Most Popular
-
Drunk Spelling Bee Buzzes Purdy They came, they drank, they spelled.
-
Black Tuna Gang Leader Gets Out of Jail Robert Platshorn was the first big bust of the War on Drugs. Almost 30 years later, he's free and talking.
-
The Shooting of Estefano One of Miami's best-known songwriters was nearly killed in a possible contract hit.
-
Ay, Papi Wondering what to do for Dad’s special day? We got you.
-
Shark Huggers Tourists can't wait to get next to them — even if they are eating machines.
Blogs
Herald Layoffs Detailed
Thu Jul 3, 7:16 PM
North Miami Allegedly Attempts to Censor Art With Dump Truck
Thu Jul 3, 2:51 PM
Last Night: Ringo Starr at Seminole Hard Rock
Fri Jul 4, 1:10 PM
Last Night: Tom Waits at The Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts
Thu Jul 3, 12:46 PM
Game On
Fri Jul 4, 6:00 AM
Lulu's Legacy
Thu Jul 3, 12:13 PM
National Features >
Broward-Palm Beach New Times
Sexual Healing
For Florida's sole remaining sex surrogate, love is a many splintered thing.
By Michael J. Mooney
City Pages
Your Friendly Neighborhood War Profiteer
It's not just giant companies cashing in on America's defense industry.
By Jeff Severns Guntzel
The Pitch
Supersizing Sonic
How a throwaway idea at the Barkley ad agency became the "Sonic Guys."
By Justin Kendall
Houston Press
Temples of Tex-Mex
A diner's guide to Texas's oldest Mexican restaurants.
By Robb Walsh
Excess Hollywood
Continued from page 1
Published on May 26, 2005
-
Johnny Depp should make a great Willie Wonka, but can't someone stomp on Steve Martin for arrogantly bogarting Peter Sellers? Same goes for Stacy Peralta's tired, dirty skater dudes and anything with Tom Cruise and Dakota Fanning -- blecchh!
-
Didn't you hear? Flat Duo Jets broke up. Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson are the dream team. For a Southern fella, Johnny Knoxville is suh-mokin' hot. You knew krumping was going to break big, and it did. What's more boring than professional basketball? High school basketball
Subject(s):
FeatureStarring:
John Leguizamo, Damian Alcazar, and Alfred MolinaWritten and directed by: Sebastian Cordero (Rodents)
What it's about: An ambitious TV reporter from Miami sets out for Ecuador in search of a serial killer known as the "Monster of Babahoyo."
Why it'll be fabulous: Cordero has an obvious taste for the macabre, and this suspense thriller appears to indulge it again. The violence is said to be both extreme and inventive, and the tension high.
Why it'll be dreadful: If the gore overwhelms, audiences may not stomach this visceral exercise.
Madagascar
Starring:
The voices of Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, David Schwimmer, and Sacha Baron CohenDirected by: Eric Darnell (Antz) and Tom McGrath
Written by: Mark Burton (Spitting Image) & Billy Frolick (It Is What It Is) and Eric Darnell & Tom McGrath
What it's about: A curious zebra (Rock) escapes from the zoo with a lion (Stiller), hippo (Jada Pinkett Smith), and giraffe (Schwimmer). They're caught and shipped off to the wilds of Madagascar. Having been bred in captivity, these animals are out of their league in a natural habitat. Hilarity ensues.
Why it'll be fabulous: The computer-animation style, which looks like weird origami, gives the trailer a unique look.
Why it'll be dreadful: Every single member of the voice cast tends to be an over-the-top scene-stealer, which could get mighty tiresome.
June
The Lords of Dogtown
Starring:
Heath Ledger, Emile Hirsch, and Johnny KnoxvilleDirected by: Catherine Hardwicke (Thirteen)
Written by: Stacy Peralta
What it's about: Another of Peralta's cinematic valentines (this one lightly fictionalized) to the Seventies beach-fun culture in Venice, California.
Why it'll be fabulous: If you didn't get your sun-kissed fill from her Dogtown and Z-Boys and Riding Giants, this may be the summer movie for you.
Why it'll be dreadful: You've more than likely had your fill of her surf-and-skate cheerleader act.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Starring: Amber Tamblyn, Blake Lively, Alexis Bledel, and America Ferrera
Directed by: Ken Kwapis (Dunston Checks In)
Written by: Delia Ephron and Elizabeth Chandler
What it's about: Based on a popular novel by Ann Brashares, this teen-girl flick is the story of four friends whose lives go in separate directions. To keep in touch, they pass around a pair of pants that happens to be a perfect fit for all of them.
Why it'll be fabulous: It has the coolest title of the year by far.
Why it'll be dreadful: One pair of pants that fits four different adolescent girls equally well?
The Honeymooners
Starring:
Cedric the Entertainer, Mike Epps, Gabrielle Union, and Regina HallDirected by: John Schultz (Like Mike)
Written by: Danny Jacobson, Saladin Patterson, Barry W. Blaustein, David Sheffield, and Don Rhymer
What it's about: Hollywood's latest raid on vintage TV: Cedric puts a new ethnic spin on Jackie Gleason's beloved loudmouth Ralph Kramden.
Why it'll be fabulous: Cedric's ability to play blue-collar could send this one to the moon.
Why it'll be dreadful: Nobody can channel the spirit of The Great One. Do you get the feeling you'll pine for the murky black-and-white images and canned laughs that once emanated from your old Philco?
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Starring:
Brad Pitt and Angelina JolieDirected by: Doug Limon (The Bourne Identity)
Written by: Simon Kinberg
What it's about: An unhappy married couple who earn their paychecks as assassins learn they've been hired to kill each other.
Why it'll be fabulous: The Pitt-Jolie twosome should be fun to watch under Limon's fast-action framing.
Why it'll be dreadful: This promises to be a plot-heavy romp that could easily fire blanks.
Batman Begins
Starring:
Christian Bale, Katie Holmes, Morgan Freeman, and Liam NeesonDirected by: Christopher Nolan
Written by: David Goyer (Blade)
What it's about: This relaunching of the moribund franchise tells how Bruce Wayne (Bale) became the Dark Knight after seeing his parents executed in a Gotham City alley. In this version Bruce heads to the Himalayas to train (with Neeson, shades of The Phantom Menace) and returns to Gotham to find a bad city run by a good cop, Jim Gordon (Gary Oldman), and overrun with creepy villains, chief among them The Scarecrow (Cillian Murphy).
Why it'll be fabulous: No Joel Schumacher, no Alicia Silverstone, no Batnipples. Did I mention no Joel Schumacher?
Why it'll be dreadful: Because origin stories are boring, and because the idea of sitting through one more Liam Neeson "training session" is about as appealing as sliding down the Batpole naked.
My Summer of Love
Starring: Nathalie Press, Emily Blunt, and Paddy Considine
Written and directed by: Paul Pavlikovsky (Last Resort), from the novel by Helen Cross
What it's about: A working-class Yorkshire girl (Press) befriends a rich girl (Blunt). Lesbian high jinks ensue. Considine is a born-again ex-con who comes between them.
Why it'll be fabulous: That one shot in the trailer of the two leads in wet underwear. Yeow!
Why it'll be dreadful: It's called My Summer of Love.
Land of the Dead
Starring:
Simon Baker, John Leguizamo, Dennis Hopper, Asia Argento, and ZOMBIES!Written and directed by: George Romero
What it's about: The creator of Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, and Day of the Dead finally gets to make a new big-budget zombie movie, after the mediocre Dawn remake made a pretty penny. Continuing the Romero Dead saga, the film envisions a postapocalyptic world in which humans live in fortified cities while trying to ignore the fact that every place outside their walls is inhabited by flesh-hungry zombies.
Why it'll be fabulous: It's a sequel that's been requested for twenty years -- almost as long as Revenge of the Sith. And Romero is not the kind of director who will go soft.
Why it'll be dreadful: John Leguizamo? Why?
March of the Penguins
Directed by:
Luc JacquetWritten by: Jacquet and Michel Fessler
What it's about: Documentary that follows a year in the life of a flock of emperor penguins at the North Pole.
Why it'll be fabulous: Penguins are well-liked birds, and some of the footage looks amazing.
Why it'll be dreadful: Giving them French voices sounds like a bad idea. Let's hope it's done sparingly and tastefully.
Rize
Starring: Tommy the Clown, Tight Eyez, Swoop, and Big X
Directed by: David LaChappelle
What it's about: Documentary about an up-and-coming style of street dancing called "krumping."
Why it'll be fabulous: Sooner or later, everyone's gonna be doing it, so you might as well get the skinny first.
Why it'll be dreadful: Just to be clear -- David LaChappelle is a fashion photographer, not the comedian who says, "I'm Rick James, bitch!"
War of the Worlds
Starring:
Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, and Tim RobbinsDirected by: Steven Spielberg
Written by: David Koepp and Josh Friedman, based on the novel by H. G. Wells
What it's about: A family fights for survival amid an invasion of "alien tripod fighting machines."
Why it'll be fabulous: Expect lots of special-effects dazzle in the Close Encounters/Jurassic Park style and more of Spielberg's characteristic empathy for the little guy.
Why it'll be dreadful: Tom Cruise.
July
Rebound
Starring:
Martin Lawrence, Horatio Sanz, Megan Mullally, and Breckin MeyerDirected by: Steve Carr (Daddy Day Care)
Written by: Jon Lucas and Scott Moore
What it's about: A misbehaving college basketball coach (Lawrence) is fired and winds up having to coach a losing middle school team.
Miami New Times Insiders
- Local food, music and news blasts
- Free Stuff
Now Click This