If you've got ears, Ultra Music Festival is a pretty fun time.
But if you've also got eyes, it's amaaaaaaaaazing.
Basically, this sprawling EDM fest is a phantasmagoric fun parade starring famous people, nearly naked ladies, the beefiest of beefcakes, the kandiest of ravers, and the most ridiculously costumed of party people -- all spazzing out to uhntz-uhntz amid an LED landscape that's exploding with fireworks, lasers, pyro, kryo, and confetti.
Look, gawk, or leer... Here are 50 things you see at Ultra Music Festival.
49. A Guy With a Vagina in the Middle of His Chest
Accompanied by a female friend with a deep interest in this curious phenomenon.
48. A Riff Raff Head on Lady Legs
Anyone else have recurring sweaty nightmares about exactly this thing?
47. Bad Girls With Marijuana Boobs and "Fuck Me" Eyes
Congrats on some impressive glitter and rhinestone work. Ditto on the handpainted sunglasses.
46. A Young Lady "Expressing Herself" Atop Her Boyfriends' Shoulders
But, uh, which way is he facing?
See also: Ultra 2014's Ten Sleaziest T-Shirts
45. Ultra Hairdos
This kind of 'do takes dedication. Look at the Manic Panic-ed mini-mohawk. And the intricate razor work on that logo. We're too lazy to even get a regular haircut? Props, raver kid.
44. Ultra Forehead Tattoos
At least it's temporary. But when these things become permanent, ink-and-needle jobs, we just might begin to believe the doomsayers screaming at the UMF gates.
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43. Ultra Boob Decals
Nice work, miss, adorning your chest area without resorting to nipple pasties.
42. Ultra Hand Signs
Bro ... Don't let any fans of The U see you doin' that shit while strolling through downtown Miami.
42. Ultra Kandi Masks
Looks good. But can you eat it?
They finally found her. But what now?
39. ¡Luchador Ravero!
No, hermano ... We don't wanna wrestle.
38. Pills, Pills, Pills
But only on tank tops. Just say no.
37. The Long-Sought Five-Armed Kandi Monster
Oh, wait ... Is that just three bead-bedecked ravers mashed into a knot of flailing limbs? Fooled again.
36. Human Tubing, Raver Rafting
Where there is no water, ride the rave.
See also: Ultra 2014's 25 Best Bass Faces
35. Dangerous Undergarments
Don't trip and fall face-first into those things. You might scratch a cornea.
34. Personalized Undergarments
Yes, those are their real names. Checked their driver's licenses.
33. Electrical Tape Undergarments
Run outta rave bottoms? Just tape 'em on!
32. Children's Undergarments
Way to raid your little brother's panty drawer, bro.
31. Undergarments From the Future
In 2069, the platinum standard for bustier comfort will be freezing nipples.
See also: Ultra 2014's Top 20 Raver Looks
30. Skrillex Levitating!
Dubstep is magic.
29. OMG, a Fucking Tiger!
OK. Yeah. So maybe that's a dog.
28. Panicked Raver Chick
Relax ... It's a dog.
27. A Rainbow Come to Life
He was born of light and mist. And now he's descended to Earth to dance.
26. A Kangaroo Who's Traveled All the Way from Australia to Rave
How do you smuggle a full-grown marsupial aboard a transglobal commercial airliner? And keep it hidden for 18 hours?
25. Poultry as Hats
That chicken looks superuncomfortable, bro.
24. Shells as Bras
Nature's solution for party-time breast support.
23. Stickers as Shirts
Because if your nipples aren't showing, then you aren't topless.
22. Flags as Blankies
Sweet dreams, you sleepy Danish raver.
21. Paper Bags as Masks
Because they breathe better than plastic bags.
See also: Ultra 2014's 20 Raddest Raver Chicks
20. Superhero Superfans
Comic-Con is that way, bros.
19. Six Guy Fawkeses, All Certified Aerobics Instructors
Gunpowder, good times, and dancercise!
18. The Royal Family
Buckingham Palace is that way, bros.
17. Steve Irwin Impersonators' Annual Memorial EDM Convention
R.I.P. Crocodile Hunter. A "Krikey!" in your honor.
16. Hair Metal Tribute Performers
The blowdryer's that way, bros.
15. Star-Spangled Speedos
The most patriotic way to stash your junk.
14. Star-Spangled Bikinis
Oh, say can you C cup ...
13. Star-Spangled Kandi
Fact: Both George Dubs and Tommie Jefferson wore one just like it. A grand American tradition.
12. Star-Spangled Capes
For when you're feeling like a human flagpole.
11. Star-Spangled Overalls
With nothing underneath. Except a star-spangled speedo.
10. Hand Hearts
Raver charades ... The Asian cutie is flashing peace. The daisy girl represents love. The whole crowd is a symbol of unity. And the smiles are an expression of respect.
9. More Hand Hearts
Two hands, one heart, and a gnarly beard.
8. Even More Hand Hearts
Two hands, one heart, and a couple of nose rings.
7. Too Many Hand Hearts
OK, guys. Can we give it a rest, please?
6. Sarcastic Hand Hearts
5. Afrojack Enjoying an Epic Moment
This is how those Dutch DJs build all that upper-body strength.
4. Incredibly Tall Guy Enjoying an Epic Moment
Our mistake ... He's standing on something.
3. Hardwell Enjoying an Epic Moment
Huh? What? How? Oh ... No, bro. Not raining.
2. Yet another Guy Enjoying an Epic Moment
Oh, we should turn around? They're throwing peanuts from the stage?
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1. The End
Seriously ... You can put your arms down now.
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