One of the teams competing for the holy grail of football is the New York Giants, who are really from New Jersey. That's pretentious. The other team, the New England Patriots, presumably represents all six states of the region. This is like the Miami Dolphins calling themselves the Southeastern United States Dolphins. That's arrogant.
So there you have Super Bowl XLVI in a nutshell: Pretension vs. Arrogance. The show, which begins 6:30 pm on NBC, will also feature a half-time performance by Madonna that should leave us aching for Lady Gaga, and enough inane commercials to make us yearn for communism. Plus, hopefully, an engaging football game.
Here are ten venues to watch it all or take out without your wallet getting brutally tackled.
10. Burger & Beer Joint on S Miami Ave.
Miller Lite is sponsoring a party with a giant RV bus parked outside of B & B. Buckets of 5 Miller Lite or Coors Light beers will be $15, and pitchers of Miller Light only $8. Plus the Miller Girls (or is it Miller Lite Girls?) will be on hand -- along with 99 other beers to choose from, and plenty of good burgers. Purchase an entree at B & B between now and Sunday, and you'll be given a raffle ticket that might win you a seat on the RV to watch the game -- with the Miller beers and Miller girls, wink-wink.
9. Monty's Sunset
The full service Tiki Bar (next to the new swimming pool) will be pouring draft beer at special prices all day. There will be sixty-cent chicken wing specials, and any woman who orders an entree will receive $20 bottomless mimosas. There are 20 new TV screens to view the game, pre-kickoff and in-game specials will take place, and live music by Big Bounce and Brendan O"Hara + Jeremias (presumably before and after the game, not during it).
8. Anthony's Coal-Fired Pizza
This is one of the great takeout options. All ten Miami-Dade and Broward locations are offering a spread of pizza, Italian salad, meatballs, chicken wings, and pork spare ribs to go for $13 per person (minimum 10 people). That's an enviable feast for gametime. Pick up some brewskies on the way home and you and your guests will be set.
7. The Playwright at Gulfstream Park
OK, we're cheating a bit with this pick because it requires a drive just over the Broward County line into Hallandale. But the lure includes $10 pitchers of beer, 5-for-$15 beer buckets, $5 wings, and $5 shot specials -- and over 22 HD screens for viewing.
6. Mayfair in the Grove
A rooftop viewing party with $3 domestic brews, fifty-cent chicken wings, $15 pizza, and Bud Light pitcher combos. Women dressed in NFL attire get a complimentary glass of Prosecco. Men wearing NFL attire will likely get mocked.
5. Duffy's Sports Grill
Lots of deals going down at Duffy's, including $11 domestic beer buckets, $15 premium beer buckets, and a 2-for-1 happy hour that covers everything in-house that will start at 4 pm. There are about 200 plasma TVs throughout the space, so you can see the game from pretty much any seat in the house.
4. Chipotle Mexican Grill
Another fantastic deal for those who are going to stay home to watch the game -- and it's a good thing we're letting you know about it, because this special is otherwise unadvertised: Anyone who asks for Chipotle's Burritos-by-the-Box (an order of 6 or more burritos) on game day will get their order for half-price.
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3. Hogzilla's Inspired Barbecue
Starting at 5 pm and lasting until the end of half-time, $25 will allow you to eat all you can from a barbecue buffet -- plus drink as much moonshine-spiked punch as you can. Uh-oh, sounds like some folks might not make it to the second half. There are 22 flat screen televisions, plus a projector being brought in just for the game.
2. Chalk Ping Pong and Billiards Lounge
This new venue at Washington Avenue and 12th Street in South Beach will be holding a "watch party" sponsored by Grolsh and Bud Light, with bites provided by Shorty's BBQ. Drink specials include $15 buckets of beer, $15 buckets of food, Bud or Bud Light at $3 per, Grolsh for $4, and $25 will bring four beers, Shorty's hot dogs and burghers, and four sides. LCD TV count: 11. Party lasts from 2 p.m. to 3 a.m.
1. Haven Gastro-Lounge
The walls of this groovy Lincoln Road bar and lounge are wrapped in digital screens that will make the HD-live broadcast an extremely immersive experience (although it might prove unsettling to some; hard to say how the game will play out in this format). Drink specials include $5 cocktails and $3 Miller Lite beers, and talented chef Todd Erickson will be preparing "gourmet" chicken wings for fifty cents a pop.