From the outside, these two establishments look like they'd have to be connected. Come on, who would put two porn shops directly next to each other? But look closer and you'll see there are actually a couple of inches of space where one wall stops and another begins. To your left, a sign heralds "Adult & Non-Adult Video," while the other side gets to the point with just "Adult Video." Choose which hole — um, doorway — you want poke yourself into and you couldn't be in for a bigger surprise. On the left, Adult Supermarket is the kind of classy porn shop you'd take a girlfriend to, if a classy porn shop actually exists. There are well-kept displays, bright lighting, and tastefully mirrored walls. You don't have to think twice about touching anything. Then there's J&R Books & Video. Despite having the more subtle name of these straight-up I'm-here-to-find-something-to-get-me-off shops, this place comes complete with video viewing booths (if you don't know, you probably don't want to). Together they're like no other two naughty spots that happen to be close to each other: One is classy and traditional; the other is a little freaky.

Playthings

Unlike the adult outposts of old, Playthings isn't some sleazy shack marked with a big, red triple X. Located across the street from Bird Bowl, this locally owned sex shop blends seamlessly into the family-oriented strip mall. And once inside, you shouldn't be surprised to find yourself browsing $20 PVC underwear alongside a young mother and her screaming toddler. However, don't assume that friendliness precludes freakiness: The huge main room features a massive selection of masturbatory devices. There's the silicone true-skin Mini Tongue ($74.99) and the Dream Maker Lunar vibrator ($149.99), with its super-thick, knobby shaft. There's also a connoisseur's corner of flogging devices, including plastic paddles and braided horse crops ($9.99). But take note: The truly hard-core stuff is stashed in a backroom bunker. There you'll find a stockpile of $40 DVD and Blu-ray porn, from Bettie Page to the entire Bang Bros catalogue. Plus, it's where Playthings hides its biggest toys, such as the legendary 12-inch John Holmes cock, the Boston penis enlargement pump, and lifelike asses. Weird but awesome.

Best Of Miami®

Best Of Miami®