Ask a DJ, and it would appear that
a lot of club patrons seem to confuse them for human jukeboxes which
they think they can crowd around, prop their drinks on, lean back on, and prompt
for every crappy song that tickles their drunken fancy. Granted, some
contexts and scenarios lend themselves to a DJ working with the crowd's
silly inebriated whims -- weddings for instance, which are known for
some ridiculous laughable amateur DJs, anyhow.
But club DJs are masters of their craft, adept at the art of
expertly selecting and mixing a repertoire of choice material that will
set the tone for and make or break the enjoyment factor of any night at
the club.
Not only can they do without your unsolicited advice mid-set,
but they also need the personal space and concentration to deliver the
goods. We surveyed some of the top resident DJs in town, and
found out what's pissing them off the most about you annoying, bothersome
bastards.
1. Requests
You've staked out your choice of venue for the
night's dose of dancefloor carousing and paid the cover charge to be
there. Part of the price of admission is allocated to the salary of a
professional DJ that makes sure you have the perfect soundtrack for
this experience, so that you can be free to get hammered and slobber on
people at the bar. In many
cases this DJ has been flown in from some exotic location
to deliver a signature sound and specialized playlist, which people have
come
specifically to hear. Going over to the DJ booth and
requesting that he plays Bon Jovi in the middle of a techno set is just a
dumb move. Let the DJ do his thing, otherwise stay home and play with
your iPod.
2. Interruptions
Button-pressing Laptop DJs
notwithstanding,
disc jockeying is a skill that requires more than a fair bit of
concentration in order to deliver a seamless flow of beats and blend one
track after the next with smooth and timely precision. Part of this
process requires the DJ to pay close attention to the beat matching with
a barrage of unwanted noise and distraction
happening all around them. Whenever you see a DJ standing up there
with a half frown, cradling one headphone against their ear, they're not
just doing it to look cool. They're trying to juggle beats that are
completely out of sync and avoiding a train-wreck. Tapping on their
shoulder and chatting them up while they're doing it is only adding to
the difficulty of the task.
3. Shout-outs
Oh, tonight's the birthday of that girl you're
trying to get in the sack, and you want to give her a shout-out? Pick
another angle, dude. DJs are not there to make announcements or give
shout-outs for you, unless they're spinning at a strip joint and about
to call the next dancer onstage. It all goes back to the last two
reasons we stated.
4. Hanger-ons
To quote one local DJ:
"I really dislike it when that one vampiric girl decides
to come behind the DJ booth and suck out all your vibes, disrupting all
the energy you're channeling out onto the dance floor... major party
foul! Somebody get this creepy chick away from me!" That pretty much
says it all. Yes, groupies are or should definitely be a perk of being a
DJ, but don't cramp the DJ with your clingy sycophantic
attention-seeking while he's trying to do his job.
5. Self-promoters
If you're a producer or DJ yourself, the worst way to make a
professional contact is by trying to slip a DJ your demo for them to
play in the middle of a set, or ask them if you can jump on the decks
for a bit. There are ways to get your music heard or procure a gig, but
annoying a DJ with your shameless opportunistic self-promotion and
jumping into their spotlight while they're playing is definitely not the
way to go.
