Maria Sharapova released her newest wave of endorsement this week. Gone are point-and-shoot cameras, fluffy dogs, and fancy European watches. No, no, this time, the London Olympic games silver medalist, beast tennis player, and poster child for fitness, can add candy to her repertoire.
Because that makes all the sense in the world.
So like all great sports fanatics, we here at Short Order did a little digging to find other strangely paired sports-figure-confections. We weren't expecting to find much, but news flash: they actually exist.
We're really hoping that during the time Muhammad Ali's Crisp Crunch "All Natural Ingredients" candy bar was on the market, it had a slogan like, "it packs a punch" or something like that. If you put the Ali Crisp in a ring with a Rice Krispy treat, who do you think would win? (That's a trick question. The Ali Crisp isn't around anymore so the fight wouldn't be fair -- zing!)
It's a little hard for us to imagine Mr. T chewing on bubble gum like an extra out of Britney's "Ohh Baby Baby" music video. But, if you get past the difficulty, the image of a girly, lip smacking Mr. T is pretty hilarious. Did he blow bubbles? Or prefer to silently chew? Let's not forget the gum is called Gold Chain Bubble Gum and has an air bubble quote that says, "I pity the fool that passes up my gold colored chain offer on the back". In case you were wondering, Mr. T played the boxer in Rocky III, so that's a sport qualifier for us.
Eye-popping color and a less than fit Reggie Jackson on the wrapper really makes you crave some chocolate, doesn't it? The chocolate covered caramel and peanuts Reggie Bar may give Snickers a run for its money these days. Heh... get it? Run for its money...? Safe!
Oddly enough, The Melo Bar came out a few years ago and as stated on the wrapper, proceeds when to charity. That's nice. But it just goes to show that the face of an NBA superstar is what people need to see to fork over money. A child selling regular candy bars for charity just won't do the trick. Get with the times, people.
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SHOW ME HOW
This one's perhaps the neatest of them all. Ruth's Home Run Bar had to be signed numerous times to verify its authenticity -- all others were considered fake. Still, though, we can't help but fail to understand the concept of athletes endorsing candy. How can sugar and fitness coexist?
My coach never let me eat candy.