If Miss Piggy taught us anything, it's that animals are horny. Lions lick their own balls, puppies hump your leg, and visiting Monkey Jungle is like walking into an orgy. Birds do it, bees do it, and bunnies do it like rabbits. Hell, even kinky-ass cats do it doggie style. Me-ow.
While it's not legal to make sweet amore to Fido in Florida anymore, free-thinking dogs are willing to marry human men. And really, if animals are comfortable enough with their sexuality to run around buck naked all the time, they can dress like sluts on Halloween too.
Here are ten slutty Halloween costume options for your pet. Stop rolling your eyes, your kitten can totally read, specist!
10. Slutty Princess Puppy
Face down, ass up, that's the way dogs like to stretch.
9. Dominatrix Dog
Mistress Terrier will bite your ankles, piss on your leg, and, if you're a lucky dog with dander-allgeries, she'll also make you wheeze and break out into a terrible rash. Sexy!
8. Slutty Cheerleader
Ra-ra, no bloomers on!
7. Playboy Playmate Pooch
Hef keeps his bitches on a tight leash.
6. A Slutty Reindeer
Seems adorable enough until you realize that Vixen, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and that hooker Rudolph are planning to run ride a train to town. Choo-choo!
5. A Slutty Lioness
Bitch, where are you pants?
4. Britney Spears
Just like this costume's inspiration, it looks like this little cutie just crept out of a dumpster and isn't wearing any underwear.
3. Slutty Cow
No ones going to want to buy the cow when you're giving the milk away for free.
2. A Pussy that Likes a Lot of Head
It really doesn't seem that slutty until you realize this costume is a literal translation of that term.
1. Slutty Heidi
The hills are alive with the sound of WHORE.
Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.
