Let’s be, um, blunt: This isn’t your abuela
’s guide to Miami. This might not even be your black-sheep-of-the-family primo
’s guide to Miami. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
Whether you call it weed, pot, dope, bud, kush, grass, ganja, Mary Jane, reefer, chronic, herb, green, or even broccoli, one thing potheads and stoners agree on is that a good high is only as good as the location and the people. Although getting stoned in your apartment in Kendall might sound appealing after you sat in rush-hour traffic for more than an hour on the Palmetto, we promise you there are spots in Miami where you're guaranteed a good high time. Plus, you might even get to explore a part of the city you’ve never seen.
Scroll down, pick your poison, gather your friends in the group text, and order your Uber. Here’s your ultimate guide to going out stoned in Miami.
Photo by Marta Xochilt Perez
Between trivia night and Villain Theater on Tuesdays, bingo night on Wednesdays, karaoke night on Thursdays, Friday Nite Live, and live performances throughout the weekend, this indoor-outdoor bar scores our top spot. Plus, with room to roam, dim lighting, a pizza shop inside called Pizza Tropical for when you get the munchies, and an awesome patio with unique seating arrangements, some of which are even blocked from clear view by walls, bushes, or a stage (very subtle), this Wynwood gem is a no-brainer. 176 NW 24th St., Miami; 305-699-2669; gramps.com. Sunday through Wednesday 11 a.m. to 1 a.m., Thursday through Saturday 11 a.m. to 3 a.m.
2. Wood Tavern.
Although even your dad has probably heard of Wood Tavern at this point, there’s a reason a line snakes out the entrance every single weekend. From their large patio, complete with nearly a dozen communal tables, two wooden bleachers full of young people vibing and mingling, a makeshift dance floor, a DJ posted up in a colorful booth, large murals, and, best of all, tacos, you can’t go wrong with Wood Tavern. Did we mention tacos? Yeah, tacos. Munchies level: Expert. 2531 NW Second Ave., Miami; 305-748-2828; woodtavern.com. Tuesday through Saturday 5 p.m. to 3 a.m., Sunday 3 p.m. to midnight, Monday closed.
3. Phillip and Patricia Frost Museum of Science.
See you on the dark side of the moon.
's Stefon would say, Miami’s brand-new, multimillion-dollar science museum has it all: an impressive shark tank, state-of-the-art laser shows, and a light-up dance floor that responds to your steps with trippy special effects. Plus, the Frost Planetarium, with 16-million-color 8K projections, surround sound, and a 67-foot dome screen, takes you on dazzling visual odysseys to outer space. The dome is tilted forward at 23.5 degrees, allowing it to fill your field of vision as if you’re flying — imagery comes at you from above, below, and the periphery, creating a nearly 360-degree view of whatever world you’re in. You'll leave feeling stoned whether you've smoked or not. 1101 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 305-434-9600; frostscience.org. Monday through Sunday 9 a.m. to 6 p.m.
4. Haulover Beach Park.
With food truck nights on Tuesdays, families playing sports, kite-flying, clear waters, a clean beach — one that’s much less crowded than South Beach — and breathtaking views of the sunset, this beach park is perfect for relaxing after getting a buzz. Haulover also boasts a stretch of clothing-optional beach. Therefore, if you forget to pack a swimsuit or are trying to avoid tan lines, this place is for you. And if you're there during "dog beach" hours, it's for your furry best friend too. 10800 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-947-3525; miamiandbeaches.com. Sunrise to sunset.
5. O Cinema.
If your ideal night usually involves Netflix and a couch, switch it up by watching an independent film at O Cinema. With three locations in Miami, including one right next to the Wynwood Yard, the cinema combines the chill vibes you crave while giving you a treat for your eyes on the screen. Plus, you’ll be supporting independent film and a locally owned theater. 90 NW 29th St., Miami; 305-571-9970; o-cinema.org. Thursday through Friday 6 p.m. to midnight, Saturday through Sunday 2 p.m. to midnight.