Looking for a swanky place to relieve yourself after dinner? If so, you're in luck, because Short Order has discovered Miami's best restaurant and hotel bathrooms. This list, the result of copious research, features five of Miami's top toilettes. We rated em based on aesthetic quality, cool features, and overall crapability.
5. In fifth comes the Pelican Hotel and Cafe's restaurant bathroom. Here you will feel
like a techno-pirate: TV's are embedded above the urinals, and the
stall door looks like the entrance to a brig. Marketing manager Paolo
Albertoni told Short Order the hotel mixes maritime elements from
the old hotel with a whimsical, playful theme. That's not to mention it
makes pissing next to some dude less awkward. Beware when entering
this bathroom - occasionally you'll hear an "Arghhhhh" from the
constipated old buccaneer in the stall.
4. Next up is the women's bathroom at the Ecco's upstairs lounge in
downtown Miami. You walk into what feels like a 1920's boudoir. Red
velvet-lined couches abound, while oblong mirrors reflect your image. According to part-owner Jonah, trendy Italian sinks
and the red coloring agree with Ecco's Italian cuisine and design. Do the squat like Greta Garbo did back in the day.
3. In third comes the W South Beach's bathroom. Here an etched glass
screen divides the men's and women's bathroom entrance areas. If parents don't do their jobs, this
design breakthrough allows adolescent boys to spy. Alternatively, diners can look through the glass
wall to see a mirror that projects an infinitely regressing image of
themselves. Trip balls in this chic bathroom.
2. Club 50 at the Viceroy made second place. This bathroom features windows
looking out on nearby Brickell buildings from the stalls. Watch out for
Binocular Bill at Generic Brickell Bank sneaking a glance as you do your business. Smile, you're on candid camera.
1. Balans in Brickell wins first place for Miami's top restaurant
bathroom. Glass doors to individual bathrooms are transparent when
vacant. But when they're occupied, they go opaque. Often, confused drunks are in
plain sight in the midst of tinkling. It may require some getting used
to, but this technology makes going to the bathroom an explorative
experience. Various users have noted the bathroom as one of the
highlights of their night at Balans.
Pelican Hotel & Cafe
826 Ocean Drive, Miami Beach
(305) 673-3373
Ecco Pizzateca & Lounge
168 SE 1st St., Miami
(305) 960-1900
W South Beach
2201 Collins Ave., Miami Beach
(305) 938-3000
Club 50 at the Viceroy Hotel
485 Brickell Ave., Miami
(305) 503-4400
Balans Brickell
901 S Miami Ave., Miami
(305) 534-9191
