Dolphins Can't Guarantee a Win, But They Can Guarantee Free In-Stadium Skin Care

Football and fancy skin-care products go together like peanut butter and Liza Minelli. One's an un-flashy pleasure of the no-nonsense proletariat, while the other is usually reserved for a certain type of, let's say, discriminating "sophisticate." Not to say football fans can't enjoy "five-minute facials," but for the love of '72, not during the game, man... not during the game. 

Dolphins owner Stephen Ross -- in his blind quest to inexplicably make Fins games a luxury destination where fans are guaranteed every possible amenity except a win -- has partnered the team with Jack Black skin care. No, it has nothing to do with the schlubby comic actor of the same name, but the premise is at least funnier than his last flick

Club Level ticket holders will be offered complimentary "cooling skin and body-care services, including five-minute facials, hand massages, and neck massages using their superior, award-winning grooming products."

It's safe to say, much like all Dolphins games so far this season, there'll be no happy endings. 

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