All month, we've been talking aboutExxxotica
, the big old porn-y fair down on Miami Beach. Last night, ladies got in free, so we marched on down to the convention center to catch a first peek at the goods on display.
Most Practical: Apparently, Swipes are a lovin' wipe that are biodegradable and you can clean your privates with them. Anyway, not sure how they combat the wet spots, but this guy thinks they can. He's solution oriented and he's got a plan.
Most Likely to Please a Miami Audience: You know how we feel about butts here in the MIA! We love 'em. Buttman's clearly the mag for us, and it's got that great logo in the shape of a behind.
Most Likely to Succeed: This award goes out to the lil' one inside that woman's body. There's no way a baby whose mom was painted for display at a porn convention won't become at least a Republican senator.
Most Likely to Get You High: This is the perfect vaporizer for anyone who lives in Miami, has questionable taste, and loves Tony Montana! Cocaine is so last week. Pot is forever, people.
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Most Likely to Confuse: This seesaw has, as you can see, penises on it, fake ones, AKA dildos. We're sure a lady or two was wondering where exactly a person should sit on a toy like this.
Most Likely to Have Had Implants: There are at least two things this woman can't do: go jogging and find a bra in her size.
Best Personality: This just looks like a good time. Who doesn't want to pretend they're a cowgirl on a giant veiny cow-like penis? It's totally the neatest functional thing at the whole of Exxxotica. Make sure to wear some shorts or a dental dam and enjoy the ride!