Vice City Pillow Talk: Your Glossary of 2025 Dating Terms

When I first became single after a decade-plus relationship, I felt like a newborn baby deer trying to stand on its legs. Not only was I painfully out of practice in the arts of flirting and courtship, but I also learned that so many of the dating rules I thought I knew had changed. The last time I’d been single, the standards went something like this: You met someone in person (either by chance, circumstances, or a setup), you went on a date, then the man (in hetero relationships) usually counted down an annoying two-day waiting period before calling and suggesting a second meetup. (No sentence has ever made me feel more like an elderly millennial.)

As I steadied my feet back into the dating world of 2021, however, I quickly learned the old rules had become quaint relics. Meeting through apps had become the norm, first dates were often on FaceTime, phone calls were replaced with texts, and potential partners were referred to using terms like "swipes," "ghosts," and "situationships."

Four years later, the game continues to change. Apps are still ubiquitous, but they're losing their luster; more people are deciding to give up on or take a break from dating altogether, and some freshly minted terms have entered the chat. If any of this sounds intimidating to those of you who are newly back on the scene (or awake after a four-year coma), we’ve compiled a glossary of terms to know for dating in 2025.

Benching

Let’s say you’re dating someone new, and you like them a little bit, but — like the sixth man on a basketball team — you don’t deem them quite good enough to be in the starting lineup. This is what people do when they’re not necessarily ready to settle but are also terrified of being alone or without an option. Don’t be one of these people.

Floodlighting

This term was coined by Brené Brown and refers to someone who overshares deeply personal and vulnerable details of their lives early on with a date. The intent in being so open is typically to forge a deep connection, but coming off this strong out of the gate can also read as needy, put too much pressure on an early bond, and just feel a little weird. As someone who likes to make a first impression by discussing my childhood traumas, I feel personally attacked by this one.

DTR

Also known as the dreaded "talk," DTR stands for "define the relationship." This is an old concept with a new acronym, but it can be just as awkward and terrifying as it was in the early aughts.

Gaslighting

Have you ever tried to calmly voice a concern, only for your partner to deflect blame or call you sensitive or crazy? Chances are, you were being gaslit. This type of emotional manipulation will have you questioning your sanity, your memory, and (hopefully) your entire relationship.

Ghostlighting

This one is the final boss of toxic dating terms. It’s what happens when you’ve been ghosted in a relationship and then, while seeking closure from your ghoulish ex, are told that it’s your fault they had to disappear. Ouch. At least if this happens to you, you’ll know you’ve dodged a goddamn bullet of a human being.

Love Bombing

Most of us appreciate kind words and affection, but if you’re flooding a new partner with romantic gestures and declaring your undying love, it’s probably going to come across as a little sus. This tactic is usually a form of manipulation meant to gain power and trust from someone before a relationship becomes toxic or abusive. It’s good to be sweet, but keep it real.

Pink Flags

We all know green flags are positive indicators in a relationship, while red flags are signs that there’s danger ahead. Pink flags, however, are a little less obvious. They might serve as a warning, something to keep your eye on — like if someone isn’t always the most reliable, or they’re a little too attached to their phone (or an ex!). It could be something you can work through together, or it could evolve into a dealbreaker. Only time will tell.

Soft Ghosting

This might sound cute and cuddly, but it’s actually closer to what middle school kids do when they don’t know how to break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend. It refers to a gradual disengagement. First, a lover begins to respond to text messages more and more slowly. Then, dates become few and far between. Eventually, the communication trickles from drips to dry. The soft-ghosted is left scratching their head and wondering what happened. They’re going...they’re going...they’re gone.

Zombie-ing

When that special someone you’re dating abruptly stops messaging and calling on all platforms, they become a ghost. So, what do they turn into when they come back from the dead? That’s right: a zombie. It’s disrespectful enough to fall off the face of the earth when you thought there was a vibe, but to show up again like nothing happened? Not cool, my guy (or girl).