Fear not, first-timers. The lifestyle, as devoted swingers call it, is alive and thriving for those who are ready to dip a toe (among other parts) into the scene. We spoke with Justin Gottlieb, a local sexual freedom consultant who coaches people on the lifestyle, to help us demystify the culture.
A Glossary of Lifestyle Terms
No one wants to sound like a noob when exploring their sexually adventurous sides. Here is a glossary of terms and symbols for those who want to talk the talk. Full swap: This is for couples who don't mind watching their partner get railed. This includes trading lovers and giving/receiving full penetration.
Soft swap: For the curious and kinky. Couples will swap partners and can engage in kissing, touching, hand jobs, and oral play, but the penises stay out of the vaginas.
Unicorn: A single, bisexual woman who is open to joining a couple. These magical creatures are incredibly hard to find and highly desired.
Hotwife: A married woman who has sex with other men, with or without her husband watching. According to Gottlieb, "This dynamic does not involve humiliation of the man (cuckolding) and is more focused on the empowerment of the woman in her sexual freedom."
Play: Sexual interactions.
Same-room play: The couple stays in the same place while they interact with other partners.
Separate-room play: The opposite. Partners split up to hook up.
Vanilla: A person or event not associated with the lifestyle.
Upside down pineapple: An unofficial, cutesy symbol to show people that you are down with the lifestyle and potentially seeking a lover or lovers. You might see them in grocery store carts (careful though, that could also just be someone buying fruit), on flags at the beach, and on people's cruise ship doors. Fun fact: Carnival Cruise Line recently banned the use of the symbol for guests onboard.
Etiquette and Ground Rules
Think of this as a cotillion for swinging. Gottlieb tells us that, though not everyone follows these rules, they are the gold standard.Consent: "Many think the lifestyle is just some big orgy where there are no rules," says Gottlieb. "That is not the case. Most spaces have strict consent rules, including 'don't touch without asking,' 'no means no,' and 'no photos without consent.'" We love to hear it.
Communicate with your partner: Don't go in with a "let's see what happens" attitude. Gottlieb recommends discussing your intentions, boundaries, and desires before you bring anyone else into the relationship.
Experiment for the right reasons: Gottlieb says the lifestyle is for couples who are stable and have a strong foundation. "Lifestyle events are not the places to go for your relationship counseling, or to try out because your relationship is on the rocks, or [because] you are bored with your partner."
Local sexologist and relationship expert Dr. Mindy DeSeta agrees, saying, "Couples often decide to engage in a swinging experience to 'fix' something that is wrong in their relationship. Swinging, or opening, the relationship does not 'fix' the issue. For the most part, it will just make it worse. The best time to start swinging, or adding others into your sexual experience, is when the relationship is at its strongest."
Don't get too drunk: Most swingers like to party, and some people might be tempted to soothe their nerves with booze, but no one likes a sloppy lover.
Sexual health: Gottlieb says people within the lifestyle take condoms, STD testing, and other safe sex precautions more seriously than your average Tinder date. "You are typically in a community or an event where there is some form of oversight and accountability," he says. "You want to be respectful and safe, or you can be kicked out or shunned from the group."
Privacy: The general etiquette in the swinger community is to be discreet with identities and not share too much personal information. We don't need Linda from HR asking too many questions.
Apps and Websites Where You Can Find Other Swingers
Here is where you can find your unicorn, hotwife, or friendly like-minded couples. Swinger Date Club: A website and app for singles and couples seeking partners, parties, and clubs — a great option for traveling swingers. sdc.com.
3fun: A polyamorous dating app for singles and couples seeking like-minded friends and sexy connections. go3fun.co.
Feeld: An app for the "curious." Feeld provides an open-minded platform for people exploring their desires and sexuality. feeld.co.
FetLife: If leather and whips are your thing, this website and social network is for people exploring kink, BDSM, and fetish. fetlife.com.
Swingers Lifestyle: A worldwide network of swingers. swinglifestyle.com.
Kasidie: A website and community devoted to the ethically non-monogamous lifestyle. enm.kasidie.com.
South Florida Swingers' Clubs
Miami Velvet: Miami's premier swingers club is open on Fridays and Saturdays and offers a wide variety of kink and playrooms for newbie and seasoned members of the lifestyle community. BYOB and head over for a good time. miamivelvet.com.Trapeze: This Fort Lauderdale lifestyle destination has been connecting like-minded individuals for more than 29 years. If dancing isn't your thing, Trapeze also offers fine dining courtesy of its in-house private chefs (just don't forget to BYOB). trapezeclubs.com.
Rooftop Resort: South Florida's only clothing-optional hotel, this Hollywood venue is a great place to meet a friendly couple down the bar. rooftopresort.com.
Local Membership Events for Miami Swingers
VIP Bliss: With monthly events throughout South Florida, this members-only group promises access to vetted, attractive, and fit singles and sexually adventurous couples from across the country. VIPbliss.com.Lush: A Miami-based lifestyle club that hosts EDM events throughout the city. lush.party.
Silk Lifestyle: An exclusive lifestyle membership that hosts events throughout South Florida: think mansions and yacht parties. silklifestyle.com.
Vacation Groups
Because it's nice to travel with people who share the same hobbies.Bliss Cruise: These folks organize couples-only full-ship takeovers so you can explore sought-after destinations and sandy beaches with your lover...and your lover's new lover. blisscruise.com.
Luxury Lifestyle Vacations (LLV): Ever wanted to explore Egypt or sail from Barcelona to Cannes with a group exclusively comprising swingers? LLV can help you out with its luxury hotel and cruise ship takeovers. llvclub.com.
Temptation Cruises: Explore the Caribbean on board a ship where bikini tops are optional on the pool and sundecks, and you can go fully nude in the playroom. temptationcruises.com.
