Vice City Pillow Talk: The Art of the Clean Breakup

Love and loss: Humans have pondered this pairing since time immemorial, and if Taylor Swift has taught us anything, it's that these driving forces are just as powerful and motivating as ever today.

Unfortunately, breaking up is inevitable for most of us at some point, and as much as we love love, its flipside can be agonizing. Yes, breakups can sometimes come as a relief, and the new opportunities that arise after healing can be transformative. But no one likes the actual process of breaking up (and if you do, you probably belong on an FBI watch list).

So, what should we do when "happily ever after" turns into "dear God, when will this be over?"

A mix of factors will dictate how best to euthanize a relationship. For example, you probably don't need to meet in person to break up with someone with whom you've only shared a few dates, and ideally, you won't end things with your husband or wife via text (unless you are incredibly adept with emojis).

If you're on the verge of a breakup, the bottom line is that it's probably going to suck. Still, Dr. Mindy DeSeta, a Miami-based sexologist and relationship therapist, offers some tips and strategies to soften the blow.

The first step is to recognize it might be time to end things, which, according to Dr. DeSeta, includes the following signs:

• Family and friends have repeatedly suggested you're in an unhealthy relationship.
• Your self-esteem has declined.
• You've distanced yourself from hobbies, work, family, and friends.
• The relationship is "work" and not "fun."
• Your stress levels are consistently elevated.

Of course, plenty of people whose relationships don't fit these toxic categories break up — sometimes people just fall out of love. However, if your relationship checks all of the above boxes and you're still on the fence, Dr. DeSeta recommends taking time (whether through therapy or the help of loved ones) to build up your confidence and work on the idea of being comfortable alone.

Once you've made your decision, Dr. DeSeta suggests this detailed exit plan:

• Avoid being impulsive. Take time to think about your decision before you speak to your partner. Never make a false threat!
• Talk to someone in your life who is trustworthy, cares for you, and understands healthy and successful relationships. They can help you sort out mixed and overwhelming feelings.
• Choose a communication route that ensures your partner will not convince you to stay in the relationship. Yes, we often say text messaging is a horrible way to break up with someone. Yet for some relationships, such as those involving manipulative, degrading, or even violent partners, a text message can be an effective way to get the job done.
• Once you break up, end communication completely and start your healing process.
• Engage in activities that develop your skills and happiness.
• Do not run back to them because you miss them or are scared to be alone. Those are not the right reasons to be in a relationship.
  

Sometimes, even with the best intentions and plans, we still get it wrong. Dr. DeSeta says it's normal to feel like you've made the wrong decision in saying goodbye. If that's the case, she recommends doing the following:

• Understand it's normal to second-guess a big decision.
• If you start to second-guess your decision, take the time to pause and process.
• Remind yourself why you decided to break up.
• Utilize coping skills that help you sort out emotional thoughts.
• If you decide to rekindle the relationship, be prepared for differing opinions.