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It's National Unfriend Day: Clean-up Your Facebook News Feed

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Fess up: Are you a Facebook friend hoarder? Or do you really know 900 people? Our hunch is that you just feel guilty about declining anyone's friend request or removing BFFs from middle school. They're not really your friends. At best, they're acquaintances. It's time to nix them from your news feed, and Jimmy Kimmel's got your back.

Last week, the host of ABC's "Jimmy Kimmel Live," declared November 17 (today!) as National Unfriend Day. "NUD is the international day when all Facebook users shall protect the sacred nature of friendship by cutting out any 'friend fat' on their pages occupied by people who are not truly their friends." We're heeding Kimmel's advice and divvied up our  so-called friends into a list of categorized undesirables. Check out who shouldn't make the friend cut.

1. Prayer Seekers and "Blessed" Couples
Stop asking us to pray for you. It's selfish. An "Our Father" isn't going to save your sick puppy, just take him to the GD veterinarian already. Also, we don't give a shit how "blessed" you are to have such a wonderful boyfriend/girlfriend. The mobile uploads of you two making out and trying on silly hats at Disney is enough of a reminder of how wonderful your life is.   

2. FML (F*ck My Life) Status Updaters
Stuck in traffic? Had to work a double shift? Woke up early for no reason? None of these scenarios deserve an FML status update. A blood transfusion from Magic Johnson, however, or getting pulled over in Arizona without papers definitely merits an FML status.

3. People Stuck in High School
High school feels like it was a lifetime ago, but maybe that's because college, bills, and jobs got in the way of all our fond memories -- so did growing the fuck up. High school is over. We're not going to this year's homecoming game, and please stop tagging us in Grad Night photos. Let it go.

4. FIU Students that Rep UM
We know it's great to be a Hurricane, but what's the problem with being a Golden Panther? Stop repping the U if you went to FIU. Otherwise, consider yourself de-friended.

5. Club Promoters
You've been throwing the same party, with the same people, in the same place for a while now. And sure, you've hooked it up in the past, but we don't go to clubs anymore, we like low-key bars. We're over dress codes, cover charges, DJs, and VIP sections. All we want is cheap  beer, so stop offering to get us on the list.

Who are you deleting? Leave a comment and let us know.

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Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


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