Five Emotional Stages of Apartment Hunting in Miami

Searching for a pad in Miami is equal parts exciting and terrifying. The prospect of starting fresh in some new digs sounds amazing, but scouring the internet or hitting the streets for an apartment that fits not only your budget but also you is like finding a needle in a haystack.

The process of looking for a place breaks you. You run the gamut of emotions in the span of just a few weeks. It's so bad that we've narrowed down the five all-too-real emotions one goes through when looking for a new apartment — particularly in the Magic City.
1. Optimism

You've been planning for this moment for months, and now it's finally here. Time to hit the streets and find your new place. Just imagining all the possibilities is making your head spin. What if you find a condo on the beach? What if Craigslist is so oversaturated with people looking for renters that you get the first month free? What if there is room for that pool table you always wanted? What if your neighbor is one of those superhot LIV bottle waitresses you've seen only in a Miami New Times slide show

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. This is the first step to a brand-new you. You put on your sunglasses, get into your car, and head out on a hunt to find a place where Future You will one day raise a family. 

2. Depression

You've made a terrible mistake. You've completely underestimated the market, and it turns out everyone isn't falling all over themselves to give you the hookup on a dope place. A closer look reveals that all the Craigslist ads with apartments in your budget lead back to the same phone number for a guy named Javi who seems to treat real estate as his side job. Javi appears to be a nice guy, but he also seems like the sort of guy who just printed out his own business cards and really wants you to take one.

Every time you get into your car to scope out spots, the suddenly dark sky opens up and unleashes iPhone-size raindrops on your day. You're at the point where you're considering not only begging back into place you're currently staying, but also selling all of your crap and moving back in with your mom. You calculate how much money you would save annually if you lived off-the-grid and slept in your car. 
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Ryan Yousefi is a freelance writer for Miami New Times, a lover of sports, and an expert consumer of craft beer and pho. Hanley Ramirez once stole a baseball from him and to this day still owes him $10.