50 Reasons Why Miami Is Better Than Every City on Bloomberg's 50 Best Cities List

Bloomberg Businessweek recently decided to count down the top 50 best cities in America, and Miami doesn't even make their list.

They even based their rankings on attributes like leisure activities (including bars, restaurants, and sports teams), and clean air. So, you'd think we'd at least make it on the list, because all we do here is leisure around while breathing in clean air. Yet, they also included bummer criteria like "the economy" and "crime." What a downer. So, Miami was left off. Yet, we're actually better than every single city on this list. Here's why.

50. Los Angeles
Los Angeles is almost exactly like Miami if it was stretched out 10 times for maximum sprawl, had even worse traffic, and everyone was made just a little bit dumber, vainer and douchier. Why would anyone live there? Unless they like the cruel thrill of being waited on by wannabe actors who are slowly realizing that their dreams of Hollywood stardom will never actually come true.

49. Anchorage, Alaska
The average temperature is just 14 degrees above freezing. No sane person would ever live there, even if it does come with a nice view of Russia.

48. Omaha
The city's most famous musical export, Bright Eyes, is a band that everyone is ashamed to admit they loved in high school.

47. St. Louis
Building a giant arch over a river to try and make your city seem interesting and stand out is the equivalent of a college sophomore getting a nose piercing.

46. Cleveland
This is a city that has so little going on that it threw a prolonged, multi-year meltdown because some guy who was good at basketball decided to move out of town. We're not even going to mention that he decided to come to Miami. Oh wait, yes we are! Ha. Ha. Ha. Shove it, Cleveland.

45. Chesapeake, Virginia
You know what the most interesting thing about Chesapeake, Virginia is? Seriously. We're asking. No one in Chesapeake, Virginia even knows what the most interesting thing about Chesapeake, Virginia is.

44. Phoenix
Not so great if you're brown.

43. Scottsdale
See above.

42. Reno, Nevada
Really, the ratchet version of Las Vegas made this list? I guess you're in luck if you like second-rate casinos and third-rate strip malls.

41. Dallas
It's a giant city for sure, but is there anything to actually do here besides wear cowboy boots with business suits?

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