Miami Is the Second Sweatiest City in America, Scientific Study Finds

Miami is a sweaty city. Residents stick to their leather car seats. They turn back home if they forget to roll on deodorant. The probability of pit stains determines whether anyone wears sleeves that day. Miamians tackle their secreting fluids from just about every orifice: boob sweat, crotch sweat, under-the-knee sweat, lower-back sweat, head sweat, ear sweat. In Miami, doing hot yoga is simply deep exhaling outside.

So it’s reassuring that a team of environmental scientists has now officially determined what anyone who has ever stepped outside in Miami already knows: It’s really sweaty out there, so sweaty it's one of the sweatiest cities in America. The only surprising part of this study is that Miami is not the sweatiest city in America. Our west-coast cousin Tampa nabbed that title.

A handful of variables were taken into account, such as temperature, wind speed, geographic location, and humidity. Population density was also evaluated because people and buildings are known to "trap heat" (something anyone who has been on that one un-air-conditioned Metrorail car during rush hour can attest to). 

"When creating the first-ever sweatiest cities ranking with this new set of criteria, we looked at a range of environmental factors, including average temperature and humidity levels during summer months, population and housing density, and average wind speed, which has an evaporative cooling effect," scientist Dr. Ted Myatt says of the study. "Geographic location has a major influence on temperatures, but so does infrastructure like residential buildings or heavy industry, which can trap heat or contribute to heat output. It's no wonder why so many songs are written about hot times and summer in the city."

Here is the list of the top ten sweatiest cities in America: 

1. Tampa, Fla.
2. Miami, Fla.
3. Houston, Texas
4. San Diego, Calif.
5. Orlando, Fla.
6. Washington, D.C.
7. Raleigh, N.C.
8. Los Angeles, Calif.
9. Dallas, Texas
10. Charlotte, N.C.

With that being said, despite our sweat, Miami has repeatedly been named America's sexiest city. Maybe sweat is the new sexy.