We watched the Miami Heat castrate the Chicago Bulls from Mike's Bar at Venetia last night and reveled along with the rest of the city as LeBron, Dwyane, and Udonis took the wind out of the Windy City. But what few might know is that there were Brujeros, voodoo priests, and other magic men working hard to make sure Luol Deng's game magically turned to poop after he killed the Heat in Game 1 and early on in Game 2.
How's this you ask? What strange power put our magic men to work against the evil Bulls? How else, a freaking app! That's right, the recently introduced Sports Hex app allows fans to cast sharable hexes on any player or team and choose the means of their demise at the hands of a voodoo priests, Brujeros, or witchcraft practitioners. Type in an athlete's name and watch disaster ensue. "The target's name is instantly sent to a pre-cursed inbox on a computer in the possession of your chosen practitioner," states the Sport Hex web site.
It makes sense. After all, silly sports fans have been putting their own
hexes, jinxes, or generally throwing out bad vibes toward opposing teams and
players since the advent of sport. Really, it was just a matter of time
till this practice found its way to iPhones.
But back to last night's game. As we watched Deng sink a half-court three-pointer at the
buzzer to end the first quarter, we had just about given up on the Heat's season. Then someone in the bar said, "Watch this. I'm going to put a hex on
his ass!" As we watched stupefied, he took out his iPhone and pulled up the
Sports Hex app. He targeted Deng, applied a Brujeria hex, and from then
on the Bull magically got a pair of butterfingers. If you doubt the veracity of this claim, you can actually see the hex on the web site.
Sure, there's no way of knowing for sure whether this Sport Hex
had any real impact on Deng. After all, according to the web site, several
other hex's were made against LeBron (including one that said "LeBron's
fragile little heart was hexed with Brujeria.") and other Heat players,
and they obviously didn't work. Sports Hex itself doesn't guarantee
success:
Does it work? We don't know. But we can say with realconviction that after what we've witnessed during the creation of this
app, none of us would want OUR name showing up in a practitioner's
inbox. The real question is, how badly do you want your team to win? 99
cents may be all it takes to tip the karmic balance.
Still, we won't bet against it after last night and especially after watching the bios of the team of magic men Sports Hex has working for the app.
Check out a Voodoo priest's explanation of how it all goes down:
And here's a Brujero:
Here are some other examples of recent hexes from the Sports Hex:
5/18
Anyone who gets in Haslem's way was hexed with a Brujeria
5/18
The basketball player named Gibson was hexed with a Brujeria.
5/17
Dallas Mavericks was hexed with a Chaos Witchcraft.
4 days ago
The Yankees was hexed with a Brujeria.
4 days ago
Villanova was hexed with a Chaos Witchcraft.
4 days ago
Bucknell in OT was hexed with a Brujeria.
5 days ago
CC Sebathia was hexed with a Brujeria.
(We're pretty sure this one didn't work since they misspelled CC Sabathia's name.)
5 days ago
Hofstra Lacrosse was hexed with a Voodoo.
5 days ago
The goaltending skills of Pierce Bassett was hexed with a Brujeria.
7 days ago
The Siena College Saints was hexed with a Brujeria.
(Siena College, really!)
7 days ago
The mind of Celtics Head Coach Doc Rivers was hexed with a Brujeria.
(This one obviously worked, although the hexer might have gone overboard
since we learned that Doc Rivers had to have throat surgery after the
playoff lost to the Heat. But he's ok now.)
Download the Sports Hex app from sportshex.com.
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