Earlier this week, CBS Miami posted an article online titled "Best Places to Watch Hot Women." Not included in the headline, but embedded in the URL, is the addendum "without-looking-pervy." Jezebel likened it to a guide for serial killers. The article is not going over well.
But Riptide wondered if we could update the list in a way that's a bit more helpful and less creepy stalker-y. You know, more in line with the public service mission of local news. So here are our best places to watch hot women without looking pervy.
Third Street Beach
Popular among locals, this stretch of sand gets packed on a sunny weekend. During the summer, when the sun is out in full force, cheaper and poorly applied sunscreen can sweat right off, leaving hot skin less than fully protected against harmful UV rays. So have lots of waterproof sunscreen on hand and offer to share. However, it's a good idea to let women apply it themselves unless they specifically ask you.
Here's another locals-friendly spot, which can get packed with sweaty bodies on the dance floor. That, combined with alcohol consumption, can make for a potentially dangerous dehydration situation. So next time you buy a woman a drink here, be sure to include a bottle of water as well. Just don't necessarily expect anything in return besides a thank-you.
Miami Gardens Walmart Supercenter Parking Lot
Many of us in Miami are driving cars in less than tip-top condition, and the freon in our A/C systems can run out faster than usual. So you're sure to find lots of hot women in the parking lot. Luckily, you can just refer them to the Walmart auto center to get their A/C checked out.
This is a popular place for outdoor recreation, but if you see a woman who looks a little too hot, remind her to take regular breaks in the shade and replenish her electrolytes with Gatorade.
Any Local House Fire
Call 911 immediately!