| Lists |

Ultra 2013: Top Five Trends, From Big Beautiful Butts to No Hipsters

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

Things that are cool in one context are often not cool in others. For instance, if you arrived at the Pitchfork Music Festival in your kandi best, you would certainly not be the belle of the ball. You'd be a lame-o freak in neon, crying over a box of doughnuts on her way home.

But just as location affects what is cool, so does time. What was cool at the same place last year, isn't going to be cool today. We've found that at Ultra Music Festival, things stay basically the same. There are people raving around like psychedelic Shetland ponies, exposed bellies and bums vibrating to the bass, and, of course, the random pair of JNCOs. But things change. People change. Trends change.

See also:

-Ten Best Butts at Ultra 2013

-Top 13 Hardcore Ravers at Ultra 2013 in Animated GIF!

-Naked Dancing Dude Gets Arrested at Ultra Music Festival 2013 (NSFW VIDEO)

-Fashion Freakouts at Ultra Music Festival 2013

-Ultra 2013: Top Ten (Almost) Naked Raver Bros

-Ultra 2013: Top Ten (Almost) Naked Raver Girls

5. Being Nice

When I realized my iPhone had fallen out of my back pocket on Sunday, I was not a happy raver. But a friendly chick in the bathroom line lent me her phone to call mine. She was really nice about it.

Then the guy who found it on the ground waited patiently as I called him frantically from like three other peoples' phones till we found each other. That was also really nice!

Then later, when I really had to pee, another girl let me skip the line! Unheard of in downtown Miami. When is anyone that nice?

You can attribute it to Molly, but that's a load of crap. I'd rather blame all that peace, love, unity, and respect. Ultra-goers are actually more affable than just about anyone you'll meet at a huge festival. You think someone at Lollapalooza would have waited around holding a stranger's phone? Think again.

4. No Body Issues

If you read our review of the Yeasayer show, you'd know that there were plenty of butts at Ultra getting some fresh public air.

Those behinds were all different shapes and sizes, and the ladies and gents that toted them around were shameless in their exhibitionism. From XL to badonk to pancake, asses ruled the festival.

No one seemed to have body issues. Maybe the younger generation has freed itself from the earlier ones' perceived cultural expectations of their physical forms. And that's awesome, because fuck body issues. They are like the single most boring thing your parents or your mean old uncle or ugly cousins can lay upon you.

Some people like 'em hefty, some like 'em slim. Ultraites understand there's someone for everything.

See also:

-Ultra 2013: 10 Best Butts

-Ultra 2013: Yeasayer Insulted the Ravers While Matt & Kim Charmed Them

3. Ultra Merch

Though Ultra has sold their own merch in the past, this year, it seemed like everyone was sporting something with the logo on it. From Ultra bikinis to Ultra sunglasses, the folks at the fest were wearing the band's T-shirt to the band's show.

Perhaps the most impressive Ultra gesture were the big "U"s shaven into folks' tresses. Wait! We lie. The most impressive is the Ultra tattoo. Like this guy actually got an Ultra tattoo. And he wasn't the only one. That shit's permanent, bro!

2. Amazing Stages

Not sure if you peeped our Five Raddest Stage Setups at Ultra 2013, but you're going to want to. A simple nighttime drive-by of the festival grounds reveals incredibly impressive stages you can see from the street.

The Carl Cox stage's LED lights flashing psychedelic images overhead would impress even the biggest grump. And the huge arch over the World Stage rivals any nightclub at which we've ever partied. The Main Stage is absolutely majestic. With many flashing lights and smoke rising Indiana Jones-style up through the air, it's worth checking out.

1. No Hipsters, Yes Bros

Finally! There's evidence that the hipster has fallen!

Just like there weren't any thick-rimmed, lensless frames out there at Bayfront, there just wasn't much hipster look or vibe at all. In the past, evidence of this trend showed itself even in some of the finest kandi raver gear. But 2013 may mark the death of the hip.

Sure everyone still wears Urban Outfitters shit, but that can go both hipster and bro. And, man, there were plenty of bros out there pumping fists and guzzling things. Does that mean EDM has gone totally mainstream?! Duh. It's been that. Bros watch TV. Bros like David Guetta. Bros party. Bros come to Ultra.

Yeah, frat guy, yuppie types can be pretty gross, but they're a lot more courteous than hipsters, and, unlike hipsters, you can look down your nose and judge them before they get around to sizing you up.

Follow Crossfade on Facebook and Twitter @Crossfade_SFL.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.