Three Devotional Gifts for the Jacuzzi Boys' Homecoming Show at Churchill's Pub

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For the last 68 days, local rock messiahs Jacuzzi Boys have been Glazin' across nation, delivering the good word to 35 bastions of unfettered heathenism from New Orleans to Austin, Detroit, Brooklyn, Nashville, and beyond.

But now, having converted a sufficient number of America's children to the gospel of surfy garage, the Boys' tour is finally over. So November 26, Miami's own chosen ones will be returning to the promised land (AKA Churchill's Pub) for a long-awaited homecoming show.

And since lead singer Gabriel Alcala kinda looks like a post-pubescent, hipster Jesus Christ, we here at Crossfade suggest that you make like a wise man and bring a gift -- gold, frankincense, myrrh, or maybe a baggie of bush weed. Just don't show up empty-handed like a dumb, drunk non-believer.

3. A Baggie of Bush Weed

Faithful members of the flock often shun the use of cannabis. But those people are sheep. And like the Rastas, acolytes of rock fully believe that marijuana is a holy herb. Give the gift of ganja.

2. A Plaster Cast of Your Penis

In the Middle Ages, monks sometimes made plaster death masks from the placid visages of freshly dead saints. Several centuries later, a crafty '60s groupie named Cynthia Plaster Caster immortalized the greatest cocks in rock by creating permanent copies of Jimi Hendrix and others' fully erect private parts. Flip this tradition on its head and prove the intensity of your fanaticism by providing the Jacuzzis with a plasterized duplication of your penis!

1. A Special Pair of Underwear

There are worshippers in this world who rock a special pair of underwear -- all day, every day -- just to ward off Satan's lusty advances. The Jacuzzi Boys don't need to worry about evil spirits. But we can guarantee they'd still love a set of magic panties. Well, as long as they aren't soiled. Keep it clean, believers.

Jacuzzi Boys' Homecoming Show with Holly Hunt, Honey Train, and the Cost. Saturday, November 26. Churchill's Pub, 5501 NE Second Ave., Miami. The show starts at 9 p.m. Call 305-757-1807 or visit churchillspub.com.

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