Ladies, when it comes to commercials broadcast during America's most testosterone-y sporting event, you've come a long way, baby. Just a couple years ago, companies were shelling out millions of dollars for the privilege of reminding the football-watching world how weak, annoying, yet incredibly sexy women are. Remember the Dodge ads bemoaning all the things nagging bitches want men to do, like "listen to your opinion"? That was just three years ago.
By contrast, last night's Super Bowl ads were, well, better. Most of them were bland as hell -- even the spots starring funny people like Amy Poehler, Seth Rogen, and Paul Rudd felt like the stars were phoning it in -- but at least they weren't bland and openly insulting half the world's population. Even Bud Light -- Bud Light! -- focused its attention on men who believe in magic, or something, instead of objects in the shape of women with nice boobs.
But hey, it wouldn't be the Super Bowl without at least a handful of cases of outright sexism. See the worst offenders after the jump.
Two Broke Girls
The most blatantly sexist ad last night came from CBS itself. Let's set the scene: It's just after halftime. Beyonce has just owned the stage at the Super Dome -- and yeah, she did it without wearing any pants, but also with her characteristic fierceness that lets everyone know she's nobody's plaything. Maybe she's not a role model, but you know she's in control.
Two minutes later, CBS airs a commercial featuring Kat Dennings and Beth Behrs pole dancing in drag queen makeup to "Pour Some Sugar on Me." There's a joke thrown in about Dennings not even knowing why she's doing this in the first place. Way to kill the Independent Women vibe, guys.
Sexy robot women: All the hotness men crave, without any of those annoying opinions or self-respect. These ones are appropriately called Hotbots, and come with the added bonus of protecting men's cars, which are way more fun for men than live, human women.
Tasty snack foods inspire burly football-playing men to dress in drag. Which is hilarious! Because they're men, not women! Dressed like women! One of them has a beard! Gosh, when you see grown men doing girl stuff, it really underscores how stupid girl stuff is, huh? Nice of the ad to throw in a nagging housewife in the end for good measure, too.
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If GoDaddy quit hosting websites and started selling its secret methods of making attractive women pull lame, gross stunts instead, they'd probably quadruple their profits. Oh god, the lip noises. Make it stop.
Follow Ciara LaVelle on Twitter @ciaralavelle.