To the Haters: Shut Up Bitches and Lick My Boots

On her site, Ikard scolds me, claiming that I give out unsafe advice, and going further: "Not every Dominatrix receives their skills and education in the same way, but a Domme without some form of proper mentoring is like a firearm in the hands of an untrained gun user ... When these same Dommes then dole out advise to others online, the impact of their misguided approach to BDSM contributes negatively to the culture they are representing."

Lighten up, sweetheart, and pull that bull whip out of your ass. My "Ask A Domme" column, modeled after the hilarious "Ask a Mexican" column written by Gustavo Arellano, is supposed to be outrageous and funny. Judging my skills as a professional domme based on my humorous weekly posts is ridiculous.

Such harsh criticism from a lowly bottom, who happens to be a graduate from -- and I'm not making this shit up -- The Academy of SM Arts in (where else?) San Francisco, will not be tolerated. If you really want to learn a thing or two about the true art of sadomasochism, pick up that flogger and book your first client. See what it feels like to be a practicing dominatrix. Ikard is so clueless that she doesn't see the essential ludicrousness of matriculating dominatrixes. What's next? A PhD in Spankology? But then again, those who can't do, teach.

My beef, however, is not only with Ikard. It is with every pompous pseudo-academic who tries to turn BDSM into a politically correct activity. BDSM is not some therapy session which enables "self growth." And a dominatrix is not some new-age psychiatrist.

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Ikard's whole project is just an attempt to sanitize BDSM for the mainstream public and turn it into just another lifestyle choice, like a passion for macrame. But here's some news for Ikard and her ilk: the mainstream has long since ceased to be shocked by S&M, thanks to Madonna and her countless imitators.

The true art of BDSM is all about power, fear, and suffering. Scary? Well, it's supposed to be. No professional dominatrix wants to seriously harm a client, but if you don't see at least a hint of real fear in your submissive's eyes, you're not doing your job right. In a way, old school feminists were right, S&M does eroticize power and violence, and all the PC jargon such as "sex positive," "personal empowerment," and "energy exchange" are just a way of avoiding this inconvenient truth. A dungeon is not a place where you come to boost your self-esteem. Exactly the opposite.


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