One time, we spent an excruciating 45 minutes at a family dinner thinking a tapeworm was chewing up our insides. Turns out we just had a mean case of heartburn.
Maybe Urban Meyer has the same problem.
Saturday, the University of Florida's Gators football team's head coach resigned from the football program for undefined health related reasons.
A day later, Urban changed his mind and decided to stay on board, but to take a leave of absence of indeterminate length starting after the Gators' Sugarbowl game against Cincinnati later this week.
So what's up with Urban Meyer's health? We don't know, but if it has got anything to do with heartburn here's our advice to him.
These are our top ten foods that cause heartburn.
10. Chili Cheese Fries
This plate rocks a double trifecta of heartburn inducing elements: spicy, fried, tomato, garlic, onions, and fat. Delicious, but deadly. Eat at your own risk.
9. Beer and Pizza
If alcohol, carbonated beverages, and tomato products all contribute to heartburn, then why do they go so good together?
8. Coffee and Donuts
Chocolate, fried foods, coffee, or caffeinated drinks, can set off your gastric juices.
7. Fish and Chips
Vinegar's acid content will send you running to the medicine cabinet if you're prone to heartburn. Keep a fire extinguisher next to the table if you order fish and chips.
6. Spicy Fried Chicken Wings
Spices, hot sauce, fried factor, and grease, set hot wings a high rank on heartburn causing foods.
4. Tea and Cigarettes
Tea, for its caffeine, content and the chemicals in cigarette smoke are thought to contribute to heartburn.
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3. Eating on a Full Stomach
Overeating is a leading, contributing factor to heartburn.
2. Deep Fried Candy Bars
For most people, the opportunity to order these doesn't come around too often, but the deep fried fat and chocolate content make these a prime driver for heartburn.
1. Eating Before Bed
If you ever saw the "Cliff's Nightmare" episode of The Cosby Show then you know that a hoagie sandwich before bed can really mess with your brain, but lying down on a full stomach can also cause acid reflux, heartburn's mercenary force.
We hope Urban Meyer reads this list and takes note. Even if his health problems have nothing to do with heartburn we here at Short Order feel this information may benefit the coach and his football program.