Halloween is almost here and you have a dilemma. There's a pumpkin on your doorstep ready to be carved, but what do you do? Sure you can do the standard Jack O' Lantern, but how boring is that? Why not turn that giant orange gourd into a work of art?
It's actually easy since there are now websites devoted to providing budding pumpkin artistes with patterns. A few good ones are ZombiePumpkins and TMZ (yes, that TMZ), where you can download stencils to carve lifelike images of Charlie Sheen, Ozzie Osbourne, and Johnny Cash to name a few.
To get you started, we've come up with ten of our favorites, ranked by fear factor.
10. Edward and Bella from Twilight
Pre-teens are in a mild state of frenzy because the new Twilight movie, which features Edward and Bella getting married and having sex is coming out in a few weeks. The only think more frightening that this Twilight pumpkin is having to see the movie, which actually makes vampires and werewolves boring creatures. Bella Lugosi is turning over in his grave.
9. Mr. Spock
Half human, half vulcan, Spock was a little creepy, but cool. After all those Priceline commercials, you'd never want to be caught dead with a Kirk pumpkin, but Spock...well. Let's just say that pumpkin will live long and prosper.
8. Barack Obama
You live in a very conservative neighborhood. Several times, you've encountered the stink-eye from Martha next door because of the Planned Parenthood sticker on your Kia Soul. What better to scare the pants off your Tea Party neighbors than a Barack O'Bama?
7. Michael Jackson
Here's a pumpkin that really sets the mood for trick or treating at your house. Carve a Jacko Lantern and place a sign near it - "free candy (and your own monkey) to all good little boys (under 13)". We promise you'll have a swarm of children (and police) at your doorstep in no time.
6. Dwight Schrute
There's a Dwight Schrute in every office. Unhinged, volatile, and a little crazy. He's the guy who has personnel files on every employee ... and he's not in HR. Remember that temp who never finished the week? Check Dwight's freezer. We're just saying..
5. Michelle Bachmann
Those eyes. They're not just organs to see out of. They are the vortex to hell. The only thing more frightening than a Michelle Bachmann pumpkin is if it ran for President.
4. Lindsay Lohan
This pumpkin comes complete with a pool of vomit, runny eyeliner, and a parole officer. Whatever you do, don't light a candle in this one. With all the alcohol, this one could set the neighborhood on fire.
3. Bill Gates
What's scary about this pumpkin is that you really don't need to actually carve a pumpkin to make it look like Bill Gates. All pumpkins look like Bill Gates straight off the vine. Just make sure to place your pumpkin on something sturdy ... they tend to crash.
2. Steve Jobs
A fitting tribute to Jobs. After all, an iPhone is just like a pumpkin -- drop it and it'll shatter in a million pieces. Plus try to make a call on a pumpkin, it's the same as an iPhone 4. No reception.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
1. Justin Bieber
Who the hell needs Paranormal 3? Just rent Never Say Never. That shit's really frightening.
Follow Short Order
on Facebook and Twitter @Short_Order.