Dwyane Wade did a vicious Euro-step crossover on Kevin Garnett that transcended all time and space, and left KG a smoking heap of charred douche. Moments later, Wade crossed over Ray Allen so badly, Allen simply crumpled onto the court like his spine was removed from his body.
Later on, LeBron James took a pass from Wade in transition, and then proceeded to truck over Rajon Rondo like a runaway freight train, causing Rondo to collapse onto the floor like one of those slow motion clips of a crash test dummy.
Those three plays pretty much encapsulated the utter face-kicking the Miami Heat delivered to the Boston Celtics in their 102-91 Game 2 victory last night. The series now heads to Boston with Miami up 2-0.
The first half featured the two teams going at it from the get-go. Boston and Miami traded baskets throughout the first quarter, like two prize fighters feeling each other out. But then D-Wade had enough of all the dancing and decided it was time to start ruining some Celtic asses, and attacked the basket with impunity.
The last 50 seconds of the first half, in particular, was all Wade.
MV3 sack-kicked the Celtics with jump shots, free throws, and lay ups, and hit a three-point shot with two seconds remaining to help Miami take a 47-42 lead into the half.
Then, for the second half, it was LeBron's turn to serve up the Boston knuckle sandwich cockpunches.
LBJ scored 24 of his 35 points in the second half, going 14-for-25 from the field, and launched an all-out assault on Boston's defense when, after Joel Anthony grabbed an offensive rebound, he flushed down a vicious dunk and got fouled in the process. What followed was a 14-0 run by the Heat that put the game out of reach for the Celtics.
Earlier in the evening, the Bulls' Derrick Rose was named league MVP. James was left off of nine of the five-player ballots submitted by 121 voters. Wade was left off of 111 ballots.
But LeBron and Wade both were all, "the MVP voters can eat a giant bowl of my dick." Because they care not for individual awards.
"At the end of the day, we don't really play this game for individual awards," Wade told the media prior to tip off. "He has two MVP trophies, which is awesome. I have a finals MVP trophy. Our body of work speaks for itself."
And then the dynamic duo proceeded to plow through the Celtics defense with extreme prejudice. At the end of the night, Paul Pierce was nursing a strained Achilles, Rondo was dealing with a strained back, and Allen a bruised sternum. Garnett seems to be the only one not injured -- outside of his ankles liquefying before our very eyes during that sick Wade cross over, that is.
The Heat realize this series is far from over. They made that vey clear in the post-game interviews.
With the series switching to Boston and with two days off until the next game, the Celtics still have time to re-energize their douche powers and recoup to get back into it. So, yea, it's far from over.
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But a 2-0 series lead sure as shit helps. Also, having a pair of hard-ass cock-breakers like LeBron and D-Wade doesn't hurt either.
Game 3 is on Saturday at 8 p.m. in Boston.