It's Semi-Finals week here on Dancing With the Stars and we have to admit that we are sort of relieved. Because boy was this week a snoozer! There are four couples left and unfortunately they are all the least interesting couples on the show.
We don't even have Nancy Grace anymore, who returned to her day job of being terrible. That's right, we're still taking potshots at Nancy Grace! That's how little material we have to work with. All we can hope is that maybe they will bring back Chaz Bono next week and put him in a silly costume.
Kicking off the show are Hope Solo and Maks with a Paso Doble
to Miley Cyrus's "Can't Be Tamed," earning a disappointing score of 21, which is
sort of unfair because her dress is very revealing and that earns points in our
books! Later on they don't do much better with their Argentine Tango to Sarah
Vaughn's "Whatever Lola Wants", scoring a 24. It's too bad that it looks like
Hope Solo isn't going on to the finals. She'll just have to settle for being
one of the best in the world at her given vocation, "soccer". Oh sure, you may
one day win the World Cup, but we'll always remember how you were just only
"pretty good" at the Paso Doble!
J.R. Martinez and Karina attempt to further solidify their
frontrunner status by doing the Paso Doble to the theme from Legend of Zorro.
But J.R. twisted his ankle in rehearsals! This is Michael Jordan in the 1997
NBA Finals all over again, except this time all of our rent money is riding on what
some guy named Len Goodman thinks of everyone's Tango. They eke out a 23, which
isn't bad but David Arquette could have gotten a 23. Of course, David would
have said Zorro was an analogy for his failed marriage to Courtney Cox. We miss
you David! J.R. and Karina redeem themselves with an Argentine Tango to Jazmine
Sullivan's "Bust Your Windows", scoring a 27.
Rob "Bobby K" Kardashian and Cheryl decide to do a Samba to
Pablo Cruise's "I Go to Rio". Rob is very excited because the Samba practically
requires you to stick your ass out, which he reminds us he is very good at. It
works as they get a 28! For their Argentine Tango they dance to Bond's aptly
named "Libertango" for 27 points. By the way, what's the difference between the
regular Tango and the Argentine Tango? Presumably one was created in Argentina,
but what about the other? Ugh, who are we, Paula Poundstone? Seriously ABC,
just give us something to work with! We'd even take Carson Kressley at this
For their Samba to Harry Belafonte's "Jump in Line," Ricki
Lake and Derek work in practice to get over Ricki's phobia of being lifted up
in the air. Such drama! And maybe it was the hard work or the fact that she and
Derek are wearing blindingly yellow costumes but they get the perfect 30! They
also do pretty great on their unnamed Argentine Tango, getting a 29! Go Ricki,
Go Ricki! (Remember, from her talk show?) It should also be noted that Ricki
showed off her surprisingly great legs this week, which will hopefully provide
some solace next week when Hope Solo is eliminated.
We end the show with the Cha-Cha Relay, which was like
something from the Step Up movies if they were choreographed by the Mormon Chruch. Rob
and Cheryl get first place with 10 points, Ricki and Derek earn 8 with their
second place turn, J.R. and Karina get 6 points for third place and for coming
in last Hope and Maks only get 4 points. Just give them no points, they're
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going home anyways.
Next week: the finals! Presumably without Hope and Maks! Can
Rob Kardashian pull off the upset? We doubt it!