Miami Dolphins: The Robot Leads Miami to an Ugly Win
Well, we did say in our preview that this one felt like it was going to be closer than it should be? And, Christ, was it ever. Ugly win? This was lady-bitten-in-the-face-by-a-crazy-ass-chimp ugly as the Dolphins mangled, bungled, and stumbled their way to a 25-23 victory over the lowly Buccaneers yesterday.
While there were plenty of chances, the Dolphins failed miserably to hit that nail-in-the-coffin touchdown that would've finally put Tampa Bay away for the day. Instead, they let the Bucs mosey about the place, picking up a first down here, converting on big pass plays there. And then, with 1:52 remaining in regulation and the Fins clinging to a 22-16 lead and looking to grab one more first down to ice the game, Chad Henne threw what could only be described as an "Ah! Holy crapbuckets!" interception at the Miami 25-yard line. The Buccaneers made the most of the blunder and eventually scored the go-ahead TD on a Cadillac Williams one-yard run. The stunned Dolphins crowd was suddenly staring down the barrel of a possible 23-22 loss to one of the worst teams in the league. You could almost hear the fan base's collective asses clenching.
A mistake like Henne's would have had most men running for the locker
room and curling up in a fetal position in the shower. But Chad Henne
is no man. He's a robot from the '50s. And robots from the '50s are not
to be trifled with. They shoot lasers from their eyes, are devoid of human emotion or memory of any monumental screwup they might have
caused, and are a representation of our deepest Cold War fears. The Robot Chad Henne is all of those things and more. And he
was able to prove it by bouncing back from his punched-in-the-nards
mistake, leading Miami on a five-play, 77-yard drive that culminated with Dan Carpenter's 25-yard game-winning field goal. The Dolphins found
themselves on their own 16 with a mere 1:10 left on the clock. But a
couple of laser-rocket passes of 25 and 16 yards to Devone Bess from
Henne followed by a 27-yard scamper by Ricky Williams set things up for
Henne finished 17 for 31 with 175 yards and a
touchdown. He's now 4-2 as the starter, and Miami sits at 4-5 on
the season. To add to the already titstastic day, the Jets and Patriots
both lost, putting the Fins in second place in the division, only two
Yes, it was an ugly win. But it was a win
nonetheless. A win that helped Chad Henne grow as an NFL quarterback, a
win that keeps Miami's season alive, and a win that got Dan Marino so
excited he dropped an S-bomb on live national television when talking about it. That's got to count for something, right?
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.