Marco Rubio Hints That Donald Trump Has a Tiny Penis
With 12 states ready to cast their primary votes in Super Tuesday tomorrow, Marco Rubio has very little left to lose. Yes, Rubio has finally consolidated the establishment GOP behind him. But his best finish so far is second place, and Donald Trump is obliterating him in polls in Rubio's home state of Florida.
So over the weekend, Rubio decided there was only one scorched-earth tactic left to try: Going full Trump on the Donald.
In campaign stops around Virginia, Miami's GOP golden boy broke out a late-night standup routine aimed at the Republican frontrunner. Rubio made fun of Trump's fake tan. He called him a "con man" and "unelectable." And then Rubio even laughed at Trump's "tiny hands" and strongly hinted that it wasn't the only inadequate part of his anatomy.
Rubio's blistering cavalcade came at a packed rally in Roanoke, where he channeled Trump's schoolyard-bully taunts to delirious effect on the crowd. All he was missing was a high-hat rimshot after his lines.
UberTAILGATE: Hard Rock Stadium Dolphins vs. Cardinals
TicketsSun., Dec. 11, 12:00pm
LUXURY SEATING: Miami Dolphins v Arizona Cardinals
TicketsSun., Dec. 11, 1:00pm
Miami Dolphins vs. Arizona Cardinals
TicketsSun., Dec. 11, 1:00pm
Fight Time PRO MMA
TicketsFri., Dec. 16, 8:00pm
"He says that I'm sweating all the time," Rubio told the gathering. "He doesn't sweat because his pores are clogged from the spray tan he uses. Donald is not going to make America great; he's going to make America orange!"
Then he took an even lower blow: "He's always calling me Little Marco. And I'll admit, he's taller than me — he's like 6'2"," Rubio said. "Which is why I don't understand why his hands are the size of someone who's 5'2".
"And you know what they say about men with small hands..." Rubio said, leaving the crowd hooting and hollering, anticipating the campaign's first full-fledged tiny-penis insult. But then Rubio delivered the punch line: "You can't trust 'em!"
If you had told political observers six months ago that the race for the GOP presidential nod would come down to a "Your mama" dis battle, not many would have believed you. But you can't really blame Rubio for trying. Nothing else has stuck to Trump, and the tactic has worked for him.
The Donald actually did Rubio a favor later in the weekend, when Trump flubbed a question on CNN about former KKK leader David Duke endorsing him. Trump refused to distance himself from the white supremacist while an incredulous host repeatedly prodded him about it.
Rubio seized on the moment, saying it made Trump "unelectable."
"We cannot be a party that nominates someone who refuses to condemn white supremacists and the Ku Klux Klan," Rubio said.
Will any of this dent Trump's commanding polling leads in the runup to tomorrow's massive primary voting? Nothing else has slowed the Donald so far, but maybe a dose of lowbrow humor could finally do the trick.
Get the ICYMI: Today's Top Stories Newsletter Our daily newsletter delivers quick clicks to keep you in the know
Catch up on the day's news and stay informed with our daily digest of the most popular news, music, food and arts stories in Miami, delivered to your inbox Monday through Friday.