Does God Get Bummed When Someone Digs BDSM?

Dear Christ Lover,

As a sadistic cunt, I am glad you are feeling guilty about your desires. Guilt is one of the primal forms of masochism, and as a devout Catholic you should know this. There is nothing wrong with practicing BDSM and being a total religious freak at the same time. In fact, I see a lot of very religious and yet very twisted submissive men -- Catholics, Muslims, and the kinkiest bastards of all, Hasidic Jews. Of course, most of them have a set of pious rules that they strictly follow while seeing a professional dominatrix. For example, Catholics won't see me on a Sunday. Muslims want my body fully covered. And Hasidim won't come for a session while it's that time of the month. (It has something to do with women being impure while they're menstruating. Whatever.)

Although I'm very happy to know that you're torturing yourself with your baseless guilt, I do want you to know that you mustn't be afraid of God. Why fear someone you've never even met? If anything, you can always run to one of your priests and ask for absolution. Isn't that what you Catholics do anyway? Sin and then beg for forgiveness?

Plus, the Catholic church practically invented sadomasochism. There wouldn't be any BDSM without religion. Catholicism glorifies suffering for the sake of God. Look at all the gory images of crucifixion. Or even Google "BDSM instruments of torture" and you will see that most of them were used in medieval times as a form of punishment by the church. And weren't Catholics the ones to come up with corporal punishment to set straight those naughty Catholic school girls and boys? And how can I forget about Opus Dei, the deviant lunatics who mercilessly beat themselves to death for the love of God. I say yield to your temptation and go crawl on your knees beseeching some mistress to beat the holy spirit out of you.


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