This article is dedicated to the time I got arrested on Mother's Day when I was 15 years old. Do not — I repeat, do not — get high with your friends on the roof of a parking garage in Coral Gables and throw rocks at the Metrobus, even if it's parked and nobody's in it and you think nobody's watching. It is a bad idea. A very bad idea. Especially because some people work on Mother's Day and they will watch the whole thing from their office windows and call the cops.
Yes, my dad picked me up at the station. No, I didn't get to go to brunch with the fam. And yes, I learned my lesson. I haven't done anything quite that stupid since.
So to make up for it, here are some places you could take your mom this Sunday, Mother's Day.
Mother's Day events
1223 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach
AltaMar will offer three courses for just $33-and-up per person. Choose from appetizers such as Florida deep-water golden crab — steamed, cleaned, and served in its own shell with olive oil and lemon — and Bahamian conch salad; specialty pastas including black truffle and wild mushroom homemade ravioli with truffle butter sauce; and entrées like pan-roasted mahi-mahi with jumbo lump crab meat and garlic mojo.
Andú Restaurant and Lounge
141 SW Seventh St., Miami
Executive chef Nate Martin has designed a menu of Mediterranean cuisine with international influences. Choice of unlimited hot and cold options include chickpeas and Provençal vegetables; mixed seafood ceviche; jamón and eggs Benedict served with roasted tomatoes, arugula, Serrano ham, and hollandaise; and made-to-order pancakes. The pièce de resistance is the "interactive mimosa and bloody mary bar." It's open from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. for $30-plus per person, with $6 libations.
Area 31 at the Epic Hotel
270 Biscayne Boulevard Way, 16th Fl., Miami
From noon to 3 p.m., there will be an unlimited buffet, mimosas, bloody marys, prosecco, and fresh juices for $50 per person. The cold buffet includes house-baked breakfast breads; imported cured meats and cheeses; a ceviche bar with shrimp, tuna, oysters, and conch; domestic caviar; and bellinis. The hot buffet features waffles, steak/frites, grilled corvina, and other items.
BLT Steak at the Betsy Hotel
1440 Ocean Dr., Miami Beach
This prix fixe brunch for $24 includes a choice of two complimentary cocktails — the refreshing "Mother's Little Helper" and "A Flower for Mom." There'll be almond brioche French toast, BLT popover poached eggs, Cuban pressed pork shoulder, and an eight-ounce strip steak 'n' eggs.
Canyon Ranch Grill
6801 Collins Ave., Miami Beach
Get an oceanside brunch followed by a complimentary express manicure at Canyon Ranch Salon, all for $39. Brunch features a selection of organic choices, including chilled avocado soup with shrimp and grapefruit salsa, Mongolian marinated bison tenderloin with shiitake mushrooms, and dessert items. There's lots more free stuff too.
Gaia Ristorante at the Hilton Bentley
101 Ocean Dr., Miami Beach
Ah, a champagne brunch in a tropical setting for $49 per person, $29 for those under 12 years old. The menu features salt-crusted prime rib au jus, orecchiette pasta with oxtail meat ragout, selection of "omelets and eggs," steamed clams with chorizo, breakfast pastries, asparagus-and-eggplant hummus, broccolini almandine, Tuscan bean soup, cakes, candies, and chocolates.
The Grill on the Alley at Aventura Mall
19501 Biscayne Blvd., Aventura (south side of mall)
From 11:30 a.m. to 3 p.m., you'll get traditional stuff as well as the daily special: queen-cut, slow-roasted 12-ounce prime rib with creamed spinach and horseradish. Cocktails include the poinsettia, made with champagne and cranberry juice, and many other handcrafted brunch cocktails for $6. During the meal, mom will receive a long-stem rose.
Jaguar Ceviche Spoon Bar & Latam Grill
3067 Grand Ave., Coconut Grove
Try the "ceviche los cabos," made with Pacific swordfish, red onion, jalapeños, cilantro, lime, and olive oil; or maybe the "ceviche black market," made with white fish, shrimp, calamari, aji amarillo sauce, and corn. Can't decide? Get them all with the ceviche spoon sampler. Jaguar will make its mark with a small signature Mother's Day gift at the end of the meal.
Pascal's on Ponce
2611 Ponce de Leon Blvd., Coral Gables 305-444-2024; pascalmiami.com
From 11:30 a.m. to 4 p.m., there will be an à la carte brunch and a prix fixe menu for $54.95 per person. For three courses, add $10.
Smith & Wollensky
1 Washington Ave., Miami Beach
A three-course prix fixe Mother's Day menu will be available from 11:30 a.m. to midnight for $55 per person. Dishes include Cajun shrimp and avocado salad, Atlantic salmon steak, and dry-aged prime rib of beef.
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Texas de Brazil
300 Alton Rd., #200, Miami Beach
There will be gourmet meats cooked in the traditional churrascaria style. Check out the picanha, Brazilian sausage, leg of lamb, chicken breast wrapped in bacon, and Parmesan pork loin. There will also be a salad bar.