The Miami Dolphins season is on the last swirl in the toilet bowl, and we can all wave good-bye if the Dolphins lose this Sunday to the Patriots; which if we are being honest here, seems likely at this point.
You know the drill, Dolphins fans, it's time to decide if the team needs a new coach; it's tradition at this point. It's like our Olympics. So is Joe Philbin staying or going? Does Stephen Ross give him one more year like he has proven to do with people on the hot seat?
It's not often that a team hires a head coach based on rumors-of-importance-to-success, but that's exactly what the Dolphins did when they picked Joe Philbin to be their next leader thanks largely to perceptions that he was key to Green Bay's offensive might.
Now that Philbin is here, it's tough to say exactly what his specialty is. Literally no one can pinpoint something he definitely brings to the table; that's a pretty big problem.
You can, however, go about that exercise in reverse; eliminating things you know Joe Philbin doesn't do.
5. He can't call offensive plays
Bill Lazor was brought in to save the offense, but wasn't that what Philbin was brought in to do? When the Dolphins hired the at-the-time under the radar Philbin this is how ESPN described his anonymity:
Philbin was an offensive coordinator who didn't call plays, a combination that left him largely unknown to fans outside of the NFC North; but NFL teams clearly were aware of his even temperament and impeccable character
So the Dolphins hired a guy that would make a super grandpa, sweet. At the time people said he was a big part of Aaron Rodgers success in Green Bay, but from the looks of it; Aaron Rodgers has got along fine without him.
Best Joe Philbin speech ever RT @MiamiDolphins: Post game press conferences will be coming up. http://t.co/QnqB56FEEZ pic.twitter.com/6ebkPgAIgc
— Tony Delgado (@HOOODtony) December 2, 2014
4. He doesn't fire up the team
The grumblings about the Dolphins playing with no intensity because their coach is a cardboard cut-out are getting louder and louder; Joe Philbin just does nothing in the way of inspiring this team. You listen to his locker room speeches and cringe, then you look around the league and see how excited other teams look when their coach speaks; it's undeniably different. Riling up a team may be overrated, but it's a factor, and it's something that Joe Philbin might be the worst at in the NFL.
Joe Philbin just called a timeout so the Ravens had to punt into a "slight breeze" (announcer's words). Philbin is the Human Cantaloupe.
— Patrick Daugherty (@RotoPat) December 7, 2014
3. His basic clock management is awful
There is literally a Twitter account dedicated to Philbin and his wacky-timeout-taking, that's how bad it has gotten. Last week, he took a timeout so the Ravens had to punt into about a five mph breeze, then decided after a five yard penalty to forget about it; apparently the wind subsided during these thirty seconds.
In the last-second losses to the Lions and Packers, Philbin took multiple timeouts as the other team drove down the field for the winning score. He calls this "Kodaking"; he's literally telling you he wants to stop the game to take a picture of what the other team was going to do, even though they are unlikely to do that same thing after a timeout.
2. He doesn't command respect
Lets be honest, Joe Philbin seems like a reallynice guy, but not all nice guys command a room; and that's the problem with Philbin, it seems like people are just kind of waiting for him to stop talking sometimes. It seems like Philbin is caught in the middle of being a players coach and a dictator at times, which is a bad place to be when it's you first gig. Players might respect Philbin if they felt like he had a track record of success, but he's below .500 as the coach of the Miami Dolphins, so why wouldn't they doubt him?
Joe Philbin open mouth stare pic.twitter.com/CBePyWXA8R
— CJ Fogler (@cjzero) December 2, 2014
1. He can't make adjustments on the fly
Although the Dolphins had a stretch where they came out of the locker room guns ablaze, the issue with Joe Philbin is more within the game decisions. Again, this is a guy who calls timeouts to "Kodak" the other teams formation; he doesn't work well with clocks, it seems, because he likes to take his time. I promise you Philbin looks at the menu at dinner longer than anyone you know. He is forever two steps behind the other coach.
The Miami Dolphins look to keep their playoff hopes alive this weekend when they visit the AFC leading New England Patriots, kickoff is set for 1 p.m. from Foxboro.
Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.
