Florida Burglar Tells Police He Actually Owns Home with Mariah Carey

It's that time of the week
It's that time of the week
Illustration by Alvaro Diaz-Rubio

For every dream that comes true in Florida, a nightmare is made. Strange things happen here every week, and every Friday we're here to bring you the strangest. This week we have a man who is either a common burglar or possibly made a very bad decision by trusting Mariah Carey in a real estate deal 17 years ago, a couple of elementary school principals who are total text message bros, and a sheriff's deputy who possibly put his hunger above a woman's life. 

Mariah Carey owns a lot of things, including a rhinestone mic stand, but not a home in Holmes Beach, Florida.
Mariah Carey owns a lot of things, including a rhinestone mic stand, but not a home in Holmes Beach, Florida.
Photo: Sgt Suzanne M. Day | US Navy

Man Arrested for Burglary Claims He Actually Co-Owns the Home With Mariah Carey

Police in the small Gulf Coast town of Holmes Beach responded to a burglary over the weekend. When they went to check inside, they found Jason Lowell James, 35, just chilling and drinking a beer like it was no big deal. Sure, a window was shattered, but James had made himself at home and was even playing music. 

When questioned by police James said that he had been living there for the past 17 years and that he co-owned the home with Mariah Carey. Police maintain that the home is in fact a foreclosed property currently owned by Wesley Beck ATEM Partnership. They arrested him on charges of burglary of an unoccupied dwelling. 

But did the Holmes Beach Police Department question Mariah Carey? Mariah Carey owns a lot of things. Mariah Carey probably doesn't even keep track of everything she owns. It's quite possible Mariah Carey once owned a home in Holmes Beach. It's possible Mariah Carey owns Wesley Beck ATEM Partnership. We just don't know. 

Is it possible 17-year-ago Mariah Carey, still flush with "One Sweet Day" cash, somehow met James, decided to go in on the home with him as an investment, and then just forgot to keep paying the mortgage? We imagine Mariah Carey has a lot of bill to pays. They're hard to keep track of. It's difficult being Mariah Carey. Poor James could just be a victim of Mariah Carey not always being fully prepared to take on all the responsibilities that comes with being Mariah Carey. For she is Mariah, the elusive chanteuse. 

Is that likely? Perhaps not. But when Mariah Carey is involved all things are possible. Hopefully this will all be figured out in a reputable court of law. 

To make matters worse the principals didn't even bother to call the fire department.
To make matters worse the principals didn't even bother to call the fire department.
via WFTV

Elementary School Principals In Trouble For Texting About Female Genitals Being Set Aflame

Principal Daniel Merchant is the bro-in-charge of Dr. Phillips Elementary School in Orange County. Assistant Principal Scott Peters appears to be his righthand bro, and the two principal bros love to bro out with each other via text, as bros are wont to do. 

It's unclear exactly how an investigation into the bros started, but the pair landed in hot water for making divisive comments about the female teachers under their supervision. 

"Take your time getting here! Vaginas are on fire!!!!!" Peters texted to Merchant back in September. 

WFTV got wind of the investigation and got ahold of the texts. The pair was punished with a written reprimand. However, several parents are not pleased, and the head of the local teachers union says the texts constitute sexual harassment. 

Peters then apologized in a statement to the Orlando Sentinel: 

"The biggest thing for me is, I let people down and I don't want to leave that impression of the school or how it operates," said Peters, who started his career in Orange County schools as a PE teacher 18 years ago. "I've disappointed not only my work family but as a grandson, son, husband and father. I would hope someday the parents would be able to forgive me."

For the record: no vaginas were actually on fire or harmed in anyway during this incident. 

Lee County's hungriest?
Lee County's hungriest?
Photo: Niteshift36 | WikiCommons CC3.0

Allegations: Deputy Decides to Skip a 911 Call To Go To Lunch and A Woman Died Because of It

Gwen Minis had just gotten out of the hospital after suffering a heart attack when she was hit with another health scare so severe that she needed to call 911. Unfortunately the deputy assigned to respond to the call, Yvan Fernandez, may very well have decided to go get lunch instead. The woman was later found dead by her brother. Ants were crawling on her body. Her phone was clutched in one hand and her medication was in another. It would be about an hour after the initial call before any officers showed up. 

According to WINK News, the Lee County Sheriff's Department is still investigating the case, and the department is still trying to iron out whether or not Fernandez went to a restaurant when he should have been responding to the call. Still, Sheriff Mike Scott is not making excuses for his deputy. 

“If what I know is in fact validated and proven through this investigation, my estimation is that it leaves him unfit to wear this uniform and as long as I’m the sheriff, he’ll not ever wear it again,” the sheriff told the news station.

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