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Five Companies That Deserve the David Hogg/MyPillow Treatment

By Alexi C. Cardona

Feb 5, 2021

Progressive activist David Hogg is launching a company to compete with MyPillow and its loony leader, Mike Lindell.

"I want YOU to donate to my presidential library."

Donald Trump Wants a Presidential Library. What Would That Look Like?

By Alexi C. Cardona

Jan 22, 2021

We have some ideas for the National Archive curators.

For actual advice, check out Moving to Miami: A Newcomer's Guide to Navigating the Magic City.

Want a Laugh? Read This "Moving to Miami" Reddit Post

By Alexi C. Cardona

Dec 18, 2020

A redditor who's considering moving to Miami next year has some ~questions~ about what it's like living in the Magic City.

Wendy Diaz hasn't named her character, although she's heard people refer to her as "the Jacksonville Lady."

That Jacksonville Lady Wants You to Know She's "Not a Moron"

By Jessica Lipscomb

Apr 27, 2020

Wendy Diaz's impression was so spot-on that many people thought she was for real.

Here Are the Ridiculous Things Miamians Are Wearing as Masks

By Jessica Lipscomb

Apr 17, 2020

In these quarantine times, Miamians have been spotted wearing some creative facial coverings.

Why Are Cars in Miami Always on Fire?

By Jessica Lipscomb

Feb 20, 2020

For some reason, cars on fire have become synonymous with Miami — but why? New Times set out to get answers.

The Worst Stuff We Saw at Miami Art Week 2019: Bananageddon Edition

By Jerry Iannelli

Dec 10, 2019

There was a lot of incredible nonsense for rich people this year.

Florida Congressman and Trump superfan Matt Gaetz is up for reelection in 2020.

The Craziest Floridians Running for U.S. Congress in 2020

By Jess Nelson

Nov 17, 2019

Walking into the United States Capitol Building does not magically remove the title of Florida Man or Woman. Here are some of the craziest Floridians running for Congress in 2020

President Donald Trump and evangelist Jerry Falwell Jr.

Here's a Summary of Jerry Falwell Jr.'s Weird Florida Antics

By Jerry Iannelli

Sep 15, 2019

Jerry Falwell Jr. inherited Liberty University, a Tennesee Evangelical Christian college, from his dad, Jerry Sr., who founded the school to create, what he hoped, would become a Christian competitor to the Ivy Leagues. Instead, Falwell Jr. is, reportedly, in the process of running the place into the ground. According...

President Donald Trump announced his candidacy for a second presidential term at Orlando's Amway Center.

Miami's "Blacks for Trump" Guy Returns for Trump's 2020 Campaign Kickoff in Orlando

By Jerry Iannelli

Jun 19, 2019

President Donald Trump's first 2020 campaign rally in Orlando last night was little more than a rehash of his 2016 greatest hits. He stood at a lectern and let various English-adjacent sentences tumble from his swollen, bass-like mouth. Various neofascist groups showed up to chant stuff outside, and TV news channels ran wall-to-wall coverage of Trump babbling and saying "fake news" over and over again.

Vacationers Find Alligator Lounging on Alligator Pool Float at Their Miami Airbnb

By Jessica Lipscomb

May 20, 2019

While in town for a wedding, Georgia resident Dave Jacobs and his family spotted a gator just casually chilling on an alligator-shaped pool float at their Airbnb in South Miami.

Miami-Dade Man Returns Stolen Piece of Stonehenge After 60 Years

By Jerry Iannelli

May 14, 2019

In 1958, Robert Phillips stole a thin, meter-long portion of Stonehenge, which he kept in his office for decades as he moved from England to Richmond, New York; Chicago; Ventura, California; and ultimately Miami-Dade County. Last week, English Heritage, the charity that manages Stonehenge, announced on its website that, on the eve of his 90th birthday, Phillips had finally returned the broomstick-sized rock fragment.

Ultra Music Festival's main stage at Miami Marine Stadium in March 2019.

Ultra Music Festival Terminates Agreement With Miami, Will Move Elsewhere in South Florida

By Jerry Iannelli, Jose D. Duran and Brittany Shammas

May 8, 2019

Last year, the City of Miami kicked Ultra Music Festival, one of the best-known electronic music festivals in the world, out of its longtime home at Bayfront Park in downtown Miami. And now, after what can only be described as a challenging edition on Virginia Key this past March, Ultra's...

The Florida Panthers Accidentally Created a #QAnon Conspiracy Meme

By Jerry Iannelli

Apr 17, 2019

Earlier this month, the Florida Panthers made a bunch of posters and a literal billboard emblazoned with the sentence "Q IS HERE" — a reference to the team's new coach, Joel Quenneville — and some people now believe it's a reference to the QAnon conspiracy theory.

Video: Owner of Key West Dead Sea Skin-Care Shop Calls Protesters Nazis

By Brittany Shammas

Feb 4, 2019

A bizarre scene played out recently on Key West's premier strip, Duval Street. Outside of Orogold — a store that hawks alleged age-defying cosmetic products — a line of protesters waved signs reading "RIP OFF SHOP." Meanwhile, the store's co-owner, Zohar Alon, stood his ground with a sign of his own,...

Chad Ochocinco Says He Witnessed "His Neighbor" Roger Stone's Arrest in Fort Lauderdale

By Jerry Iannelli

Jan 25, 2019

Today the FBI raided the Fort Lauderdale home of Roger Stone, the openly racist Trump confidante who dresses like a penny-farthing bicycle salesman. Stone is charged with lying repeatedly to the FBI and threatening federal witnesses in the most obvious and stupid ways possible.

Dana Scalione was fired this week after she participated in a racial-slur-laden Martin Luther King Jr. Day attack on black teens.

Miami Woman Fired After Participation in Racist Attack on Black Teens

By Jerry Iannelli

Jan 23, 2019

South Florida couple Mark Allen Bartlett and Dana Scalione celebrated Martin Luther King Jr. Day 2019 this way: She screamed at a group of black teens. He then pulled a gun and repeatedly used the N-word. The kids, including an 11-year-old boy, briefly blocked Brickell Avenue while carrying signs demanding the City of Miami protect the affordable-housing complex Liberty Square...

Hallandale Beach Commissioner Anabelle Lima-Taub (left) and U.S. Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib

South Florida Politician "Unapologetic" for Racist Comment, Compares Muslim Congresswoman to "Hitler"

By Jerry Iannelli

Jan 16, 2019

Earlier this week, Hallandale Beach Commissioner Anabelle Lima-Taub decided, for some godforsaken reason, to post on Facebook that she was worried that Rashida Tlaib, one of the first two Muslim women elected to Congress, was a "Hamas-loving anti-Semite" who would "blow up Capitol Hill." In other words: With zero evidence, she accused a Palestinian-American of being a terrorist. That's racist, full stop.

Florida Lawmaker, Demonbuster, and Exorcist Wants to Mandate Bible Study in Public High Schools

By Jerry Iannelli

Jan 10, 2019

Jacksonville Democratic Rep. Kimberly Daniels might literally be the craziest person in the Florida Legislature right now. She is a former "exorcist" who called herself the "Demonbuster." Though she holds multiple theological degrees from a Christian seminary and has written 13 books about Christian spirituality, some of those volumes cover...

Jeff Greene (left) and Daphne Campbell (right)

These Were Miami's Five Biggest Assholes of 2018

By Jerry Iannelli

Jan 1, 2019

Look, every city is full of trash people. American culture reinforces the terrible behavior patterns of cretins and psychos. But there's simply a higher bar to seem like a huge asshole in Miami than, say, Des Moines, Iowa. Our police chiefs waterboard people here. With that in mind, allow New Times to list the five biggest asshats in the Magic City (and the surrounding area) this year.

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