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The Santos Special?

The Santos Special?

BANNED: Filthy Florida License Plates of 2022

BANNED: Filthy Florida License Plates of 2022

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Man Charged With In-Flight Assault After Attempted Escape From Gassy Airline Passenger

By Izzy Kapnick
Jan 18, 2023

An American Airlines passenger with burning nostrils just wanted a little taste of luxury. Is that so wrong?
Miami Sports Team Coaches and Managers Ranked by Handsomeness

By Ryan Yousefi
Jan 13, 2023

In which we deploy AI to rate local coaches according to their looks.
MIA vs. FLL: Which Airport Is More Infuriating?

By Alex DeLuca
Jan 12, 2023

Which airport is most likely to induce trichotillomania?
Miami Trademark Phrase Makes the Annual Banished Words List for 2023

By Naomi Feinstein
Jan 5, 2023

Attention Miami: The word police want the term "irregardless" banished in the New Year.
Dirty Dozen 2022: Miami's 12 Least Wanted

By Miami New Times staff
Dec 27, 2022

A list of scoundrels, rapscallions, and alleged criminals who stood out as cornerstones of South Florida dysfunction this year.
Dominatrix Demands Fort Lauderdale City Commission Pony Up for "Sex Dungeon"

By Alex DeLuca
Dec 21, 2022

A dominatrix instructed Fort Lauderdale city commissioners to allocate $250,000 for a BDSM dungeon.
Commenters Suggest Free Cocaine, Strip Club Visits to Entice Twitter to Relocate to Miami

By Miami New Times staff
Dec 7, 2022

The Miami mayor is trying to entice a disillusioned Elon Musk to make the move to the 305.
Five Throwback TV Ads Featuring Miami Dolphins That You've Never Seen (Or Forgot Existed)

By Ryan Yousefi
Oct 28, 2022

Remember when Don Shula shilled fertilizer, of all things?
Videobombing South Florida Emu Wins the Internet

By Jess Swanson
Jul 18, 2022

An insubordinate emu is the viral star of Knuckle Bump Farms' TikTik account.
Waterworld? Five Miami Landmarks That'll Be Better Underwater

By Joshua Ceballos
Jun 7, 2022

Bayside Marketplace, Wynwood, and Miami Marine Stadium all stand to improve with the rising seas.
Which Florida Official Condemned Nazis the Best?

By Michael Majchrowicz
Feb 2, 2022

"I do miss those times when you could kick the shit out of punks like these, and no one would say a word."
You Can Bid on a Francis Suarez NFT With a Penis for a Nose

By Joshua Ceballos
Jan 13, 2022

Political activist Chaz Stevens has minted an NFT titled "America's Crypto-Mayor Gets Dicknosed."
The Dirty Dozen 2021: Miami's Worst People of the Year

By Miami New Times staff
Dec 28, 2021

Miami's worst people of the year include Francis Suarez, Javier Ortiz, and Enrique Tarrio.
What Does Miami Smell Like?

By Ryan Yousefi
Sep 28, 2021

Close your eyes.... What do you smell?
We've Created the Unofficial Drinking Game of the Miami Dolphins 2021 NFL Draft

By Ryan Yousefi
Apr 29, 2021

Good or bad, you can bet Dolphins fans will be drinking tonight. So why not turn it into a game?
Valentine's Date Ideas for Tech CEOs and Miami Mayor Francis Suarez

By Joshua Ceballos
Feb 12, 2021

2020 created Miami's greatest love story: Francis Suarez and the tech bros.
Five Companies That Deserve the David Hogg/MyPillow Treatment

By Alexi C. Cardona
Feb 5, 2021

Progressive activist David Hogg is launching a company to compete with MyPillow and its loony leader, Mike Lindell.
Donald Trump Wants a Presidential Library. What Would That Look Like?

By Alexi C. Cardona
Jan 22, 2021

We have some ideas for the National Archive curators.
Dirty Dozen 2020: The 12 Worst People of Miami in the Worst Year Ever

By Miami New Times staff
Dec 29, 2020

Each year, New Times rounds up a list of 12 scoundrels and ne'er-do-wells. Once again, we present to you the annual Dirty Dozen.
Want a Laugh? Read This "Moving to Miami" Reddit Post

By Alexi C. Cardona
Dec 18, 2020

A redditor who's considering moving to Miami next year has some ~questions~ about what it's like living in the Magic City.