We're big fans of all kinds of communication, not only the written word. We like facial expressions, all kinds of silly sounding noise (fake fart sounds are our favorites), and especially hand gestures. Everybody knows the classics like the bird and "L" for loser, but we've found that in order to efficiently survive life in Miami you need a little more than just the basics in your arsenal of hand jives.
Practice the following hand gestures and other forms of nonverbal communication in the mirror (make sure nobody is watching) and you'll be able to get along in traffic, at restaurants, at ballgames, in nightclubs, and the rest of everyday life in the Magic City:
8. The Cafecito
Basically, make a "C" with your index finger and thumb direct it toward
your waiter and they'll know its time for a colada, expresso or café con
leche. Caution. In some cultures it could be taken as an insult if the
recipient thinks you're commenting on his lack of endowment.
7. The Telephone
It's just fun to do the telephone. Stick out your thumb and pinky and
rest the rest of your knuckles in between your cheek and chin and you
have a hand phone with unlimited minutes. Sure, it's not a Miami thing
per se, but who cares? If you want to add a little Miami flavor, substitute your middle finger for your pinky -- it's awkward but
original.
6. The "U"
Born from one of the most arrogant, universally despised college
football programs, the "U" hand gesture - made by combining an "L" and
inverse "L" - lets everybody know you're from Miami and support a
baddass football team. Billy Corben and Rakontur helped make this hand
gesture even more popular with his ESPN documentary titled, what else,
The U.
5. The "Go Ahead, Fuck Face!"
This is only appropriate when you're in congested traffic and some
asshole driver (i.e. all Miami drivers) pulls a 3-0-5 special on you: a
forced merger endangering multiple lives. What you do is extend your arm
over the dashboard with palm up and make one long sweeping motion
across your body. In effect, you are sarcastically granting them
permission to get in front of you after the fact. Usually, this is preceded by a horn
honking so that they look in their rearview and witness your
non-verbal sarcasm. They'll usually respond by giving you the bird.
4. The Pointer
Nothing fancy here. Just point at someone. The great thing about
this hand gesture is its versatility. It can be a greeting, accusatory,
intimidating, or coquettish. Only try this if you have the balls to
intimidate someone or are not worried about the consequences of coming on to
them like a considerable douche bag. If you do this and end up looking
meek or point at the wrong person, you could be in serious trouble.
3. Air Signature
This alerts the wait staff that you are ready for your check. At
different times Cultist has actually drawn a check mark in the air to
see if people understood, but mostly we were met with blank stares. Try
this for fun: Actually write something in the air, instead of the
chicken scratch you're probably mimicking. Remember, you have to write
in backwards in the air for your waiter or waitress to understand,
which, admittedly, complicates matters.
2. The "What the Fuck!"
This is as much a shoulder shrug as it is a hand gesture, but we
included it anyway, because it is Miamiriffic. It can be used anytime you are angry at anybody for any reason. Lift your shoulders and
then lift your hands (palms up, as if you are asking for a hand out).
Believe you us, it's annoying and very Miami.
1. The 3-0-5
Enough with the pretenders, you want to tell somebody you're from Miami
then flash the 3-0-5 hand sign. One hand does the "3" and "0" (basically
looks like an "Ok" sign) while the hand just flashes "5" digits. For the gangsta version make sure your arms and pulled in close to your body with the hand gestures crooked like. The added benefit of the 3-0-5 is that it
looks like you are telling somebody something is simultaneously "Ok" but
also to "Stop." It's confusing for those who are not from the
3-0-5, but, hey, it's their fault for not being from the 3-0-5.
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