| Humor |

"Tamtampamela" Thanks God for Japanese Tragedy, Hopes America is Next

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The internet helped swiftly spread news of the tragedy in Japan, but along with it came a heap of dumb Americans making stupid comments. No, it was not caused by Godzilla. No, it was not karmic retribution for Pearl Harbor (you know that we dropped two nuclear bombs on Japan for that, right?). No, we shouldn't refuse support because other countries ignored us during Katrina (because that's simply not true).

Of course, one of the worst reactions seems to have come, unsurprisingly, from right here in Florida. Watch as some Tampa twenty-something, known as "Tamtampamela" on YouTube, praises God for "shaking" the atheists in Japan, and hopes he turns his attention to America sometime before Easter.

"God is such an amazing God. He is so good and so loving," she starts. "God shook the country of Japan. He literally grabbed the country by the shoulders and said, 'Hey, Look, I'm here' ...I'm just so overjoyed and encouraged."

She somehow connects the tragedy to the beginning of Lent, and cites it as proof that God is answering prayers to wake up Atheists.

"Oh my God, I can't even begin to think of how vengeful he's going to be on America, because we have a lot of Atheists here in America," she says. "I mean Japan is a fantastic place to start."

I can just sit here all day and refute this, but I'm too busy still telling people who are somehow my Facebook friends that, no, the earthquake is not a sign of 2012. Maybe if I pray hard enough, God will shake some sense into stupid people. Oh wait, never mind, that would mean church attendance would be down by about 50 percent. He'd never do that. Maybe I'll just continue praying to Mother Gaia and spreading her message of love and self acceptance with my interpretive dances. People believe anything.

Update: Apparently "Tamtampamela" may actually be a "troll." She admitted such when other angry internet trolls clamored down and revealed her address online. Let us pray to our internet Gods that he sends whatever the internet equivelant of a tsunami is through our sacred series of tubes and wipe away all trolls forever.

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