Ladies, hang on to your husbands. The Vivid Live luxury gentleman's club is officially open for your viewing pleasure.
With Vivid Entertainment at the helm, you know you're in for a class-act. These are the same people who made Kim Kardashian famous, who made Farrah Abraham a back-door mom, who made Anthony Weiner's dirty little secret our shared entertainment.
Last night, we were VIPs at the club's soft opening, and while we spent most of our time taking advantage of the open bar, we made sure to put our drinks down for a full-tour and even had a little chat with Vivid's host and guest of honor, the lovely Tera Patrick. And holy hell did we see a lot of tits.
See also: Vivid Live Opening Weekend: Your Guide to the Sex, Stars, and Sports
A conceptual hybrid, Vivid Live is half-nudie bar, half-nightclub, all luxury. With a main stage built for two, a celebrity stage in back, and a third single stage by the more private bar, there's plenty of entertainment. Plus, we hear the food is really dank (not that anyone would let us try theirs).
It also seems to be part sports bar. The place is lined with giant LCD flat screens, making sure you don't miss a second of football between ass claps. There's one behemoth of a screen directly behind the main stage, and it was strange how often we found guys distracted by the score with a face full of jiggling tits. It's also incredibly bizarre to see a KFC commercial in this environment. Between the food, the sex and the contact sports, we'd say Vivid is meeting all your basic carnal needs.
See also: Vivid Live: A Miami Strip Club From the Folks Who Brought You Weinergate
Besides the girls, some of whom are quite skilled at climbing and sliding down large poles with nothing but their thighs, Vivid keeps you entertained with a constant stream of party jams from the DJ. From time to time, a guest drummer would take over, jamming along to classic strip anthems including AC/DC's "Shook Me All Night Long."
In the future, Vivid hopes to expand their entertainment to include famed local and even national DJ talent. After hours, the place can be transformed into a straight-up nightclub, when the girls have made enough money from their public performances.
Speaking of public, the owner has a strict "no funny business" policy, but if you were interested in testing those limits, there are more than enough secluded private rooms -- if you're willing to shell out the cash. For anywhere from $1,500 to $10,000, you can enjoy a private lounge upstairs decked out with giant television screens and comfy leather couches. Some even come with their own benched showers. One particularly boss get-away has a sneaky window view of both stages and the vibe that more than a few big-time deals will go down when no one is looking. Downstairs also offers plenty of personal booths for less private but more intimate encounters.
See also: Farrah Abraham on Feminism: "I'm Pretty Feminine"
But what really sets Vivid apart from the local competition is, well, Vivid. Who else can get Tera freakin' Patrick to host their opening?
"I was asked by Vivid to come to host this, the grand opening of Vivid Live, which one, I'm very honored," Patrick said. "I've had a very long relationship with Vivid. My adult company is called Teravision, so I do my distribution through Vivid, and I've just had a really good relationship with Vivid all these years. So I thought, 'oh how cool, of course. Being one of the Vivid girls, I would love to come and open the club.'"
Patrick said her decision to work with Vivid was an important milestone in her career. She said their attention to class and the way they took care of their girls professionally and personally sets Vivid apart in the industry.
"Vivid I felt like was a good match," she said. "I remember I would look at their box covers and their DVD covers and the women were gorgeous, and their movies, the productions were stellar. So, I said that's who I want to be with, and the personal relationship I built over time with the staff over at Vivid has been great, too. They're good people, they've always handled business effectively and ethically for me, so that's really important."
Coming to host Vivid Entertainment's opening was a fun way for Patrick to show her appreciation and get a little party going.
"The only [thing], and I don't complain; I can't believe you guys still smoke indoors in Miami! I can't believe it, I'm coughing over here," she joked. "But no, the club is absolutely beautiful. I'm so happy to meet everybody tonight."
Patrick also wanted to encourage the ladies not to be shy and come experience it for themselves, as well.
"I do feel like the name Vivid (stands for quality), which is why I'm always happy to work with them, and I hope tonight the impression is classy, beautiful," she said. "Don't be afraid to come down, ladies. If anything, you might learn a few moves or make up some of your own moves, and you can go home and give your man a little twerk lesson or something."
Vivid continues its grand opening celebration tonight with special guest and host Farah Abraham, "the teen mom gone bad," and will continue to feature Vivid girls throughout its special events and engagements. Why do you think they call it the celebrity stage, eh?
Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.