Vice City Pillow Talk: Let's Talk About Sex, Miami

Happy Sexual Health Awareness Month to all who celebrate, which should really be all of us. Why? Because, like our mental and physical well-being, sexual health is a vital part of our holistic wellness, yet one that we probably aren't talking about enough. If you read the title of this article while singing the Salt-N-Pepa tune in your head, you're probably old enough for the conversation.

Let's be honest: Unless you went to an extremely progressive private school, few of us have been thoroughly educated about our sexual health. My formal sex education included one awkward high-school class period. It was dedicated to STI prevention and birth control. (Though, unfortunately, I was never asked to put a condom on a banana like they do in the movies.) Those are incredibly important topics but only cover one narrow piece of the sexual health puzzle. We can and should do better.

In 2010, the World Association for Sexual Health (WAS) declared September 4 to be Sexual Health Awareness Day, and community organizers from more than 60 countries, including the United States, have since followed suit. The goal is to raise awareness and create a dialogue around sexual topics that have historically been met with silence and stigma.

Overall, sexual wellness includes promoting safe practices (kudos to my high-school sex ed for a decent start there), challenging taboos, and educating and empowering people to make informed decisions about their sexual health.

From its Declaration of Sexual Rights, WAS states, "Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as having the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination, and violence."

In speaking with local sexologist Dr. Mindy DeSeta about why this is important, she says, "Sexual health is only now getting the recognition it deserves for being part of our overall health, and the education piece is something that we really need to work on. There are so many myths out there about how we should be in our sex life and how we should operate as a sexual person that are not true. Yet, when we believe them and can't live up to certain expectations, it can have a huge effect on our mental health."

So, let's talk about sex, Miami. I asked Dr. DeSeta to debunk three of the biggest sex-related myths to shed light on things we aren't talking about, whether it's because we feel embarrassed or just plain awkward. Her answers may surprise you.

Myth 1: The Goal of Sex Is Orgasm

Call me a brat, but this was news to me. Dr. DeSeta says that climax as the goal of intercourse puts too much pressure on both your partner and you. As a result, the stress and anxiety can actually get in the way of having an orgasm. "Your goal is pleasure. An orgasm is the cherry on top."

Myth 2: Men Should Be Able to Achieve Erection Every Time

You know the old saying, "It happens to everyone?" Yeah. It does. According to Dr. DeSeta, "Sometimes it just doesn't work. That doesn't mean something is wrong, but it can create a traumatic event. Then people get in their heads."

Myth 3: Something Is Wrong With Me If I Don't Want to Have Sex

Dr. DeSeta says that the number one reason people come into her office is because they either aren't having sex at all or one partner wants sex more than the other. "Their libido isn't where they want it to be, and they feel something is wrong with their relationship or wrong with them in general. But it's super normal." The key is normalizing that these things happen and communicating through the issue.

Let's Keep the Conversation Going

If you're looking to jumpstart your adult sexual education or want to celebrate your kinky side, the Standard Spa, Miami Beach, is honoring Sexual Health Awareness Month with Se(x)tember, an event series dedicated to sexual wellness, self-discovery, and pleasure. Offerings include pleasure workshops with professional sex therapists, interactive game nights, live Shibari drawing, and more. All events are 21 and over, and RSVPs are required.

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