Pepe Billete: Why Miami Sports Fans Don't Suck

See Pepe Billete's Open Letter to Miami Heat Haters.

Now that the Miami Heat have stuffed their haters' mouths with something to keep them gagging until the next season, I want to address another aspect of hate that extends beyond the Heat. Last week, I talked a little about how the general consensus among sports writers is that Miami has the worst fans in all of sports. In fact, that view is so pervasive, that many equivocados here in our beloved 305 seem to think it's actually true.

So this week, I want to dispel the two most popular complaints about Miami fans with a few facts that will shut all these comemierdas up for good.

Complaint #1: Miami Fans Don't Go to Sports Events
This is one of the first things you hear from every Miami-hating sapingo with a microphone or a blog. Game attendance is obviously a very good indicator of local support for teams and, in this category, Miami no se queda atras. Here is the average game attendance for each Miami team relative to the capacity of the venues they play in at home:

2011-2012 season
Heat: 100% of capacity (sold out every game!)
Panthers: 86% of capacity
Dolphins: 81% of capacity
Marlins: 75% of capacity (2012 season thus far)

Factor in the fact -- and I can't stress this enough -- that this is Miami, y aqui la jodedera y la puteria estan a la orden del dia and you'll start to realize that local attendance for sports events really isn't that bad at all! In fact, in the NHL, the difference between the #1 attendance record and the Florida Panthers is only about 5,000 people.

Complaint #2: Miami Fans Have No Loyalty
El sapingo que te diga esto es un tarru. Anyone who makes a bombastic statement like this clearly has no concept of what it takes to build a loyal relationship with anything other than his dick. It just so happens that this particular brand of bullshittery is mostly heard from northerners in cities with popular franchises, like Boston, New York, and Chicago. It should also be noted that these malparidos know as much about why their franchises are so popular as Drake knows about what it takes to be un macho de verdad.

Here's a little insight.

Real loyalty is built, not bought. It takes time for a team to build traditions, rituals, and, most importantly, a brand. With the exception of the Dolphins, every team in Miami is barely over 20 years old. The combined age of the Panthers, Heat, and Marlins doesn't even add up to the 86 years it took the Red Sox to win a championship between 1918 and 2004. Still not convinced? How about the fact that the city of Miami itself is only five years older than the Boston Red Sox team! With every passing season, a team builds its fanbase and interest in the sport. Coño, how many people in Miami do you think gave a shit about hockey before the Panthers came to town? Ni pinga!

I would actually go as far as to claim that Miami has one of the most loyal fanbases in all of sports. Pipo, the Dolphins have been the gonorrhea of football for the last 10 years and comemierdas like me still insist on buying season tickets every year. The Dolphin fanbase alone is proof that Miami is either full of diehard fans or masochistas que cagan dinero.

And don't get me started on los Hurricanes. The Miami Hurricanes are arguably the most popular team in college sports, and unlike our northern neighbors who also boast popular teams, UM has four professional sports franchises and a topless beach to compete with. Have you ever even been to Gainesville? Cojones, if you're not in college, what the fuck else is there to do besides hate the fact that you don't live in Miami? Beyond the student population, Gainesville is full of alcoholics y viejos pajosos. Of course they love the fucking Gators -- it helps them forget that their lives suck shit. Miami fans love UM because UM is the shit. Period.

Perhaps I'm a little biased because besides Guanabacoa, Miami is all I've ever known in my life. Pero, when you live in a city where championship celebrations include two local putas giving away free blow jobs to fans of the home team, you really have no grounds on which to question our loyalty. So once again, to all you Miami haters out there: mamame el tolete y VPLP.


Follow Pepe on Twitter @PepeBillete.

Follow Cultist on Facebook and Twitter @CultistMiami.

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