First dates are like the first day of school. You're a little nervous, a little excited, and you want to make a good impression. But how do you pull it all off, proving that you're fun, witty, and someone your date should find worthy of investing time? There's no precise science on the matter, and I'm far from Miss Manners, but I do have some thoughts.
Most importantly, talk to your date beforehand. If this sounds painfully obvious, you'd be surprised by how many people I've spoken to who've been denied this basic courtesy. If it's a first date, chances are you don't know too much about one another yet, and while there is time to explore all that, try to find out some basic information before that first meeting. Is your love interest a vegetarian? Sober? Learn a little bit about the other person and then make suggestions — that's right, suggestions before plans — on how you might spend the first date together.
Call me traditional, but I still think dinner is the gold standard. Why? Because it shows that you're willing to spend at least a couple of hours getting to know someone. It leads to easy conversation topics when perusing the menu and allows for natural silences as you chew. (Please, God, with your mouth closed.) You're hopefully sharing a pleasurable experience, and there's a small window of possibility that, if all goes well, the date can continue afterward with drinks, dancing, or, in a perfect world, cuddling on the sofa and binge-watching Tokyo Vice.
I think it's a red flag, however, if either person — the asker or the asked — recommends an exorbitantly expensive spot. Unless you're either Jeff Bezos or explicitly in it for that sort of thing — no shame if you are — a first-date dinner should be nice, but not too nice. If you're doing sushi, I'd skip the high-priced omakase spots in favor of something more mid-tier. For other cuisines, think neighborhoody or vibey. A good scene will help set the mood, but the goal is getting to know the person, not falling in love with a lifestyle.
In many cases, though, dinner can be too intimate for a first date. If you don't know the other person particularly well — maybe they're a recent Hinge match or someone you met in line at the Publix checkout — it might make more sense to notch down to a coffee or a drink date. The stakes are lower — less of a time investment, less potentially awkward sustained eye contact across a table — and maybe that's a good thing. If the chemistry is disastrous, you've got an easy way out. But if it's electric, you might end dinner by cuddling on the sofa and binge-watching your new favorite Netflix show afterward.
Sometimes, even I, with my love of dinners, drinks, and coffee, prefer to shake off the old norms to try something different. Many first daters out there are jaded with the old ways and are seeking fresh options in lieu of the traditional route. A game night can be a fun way to flex your competitive juices while getting to know one another better. For the active types, the climbing gym or a yoga class might be a fun way to sweat together and bond over shared interests.
Be creative: perusing a bookstore for the literary types, the ever-popular ax-throwing for those who have better hand-eye coordination than me, and other activities focused on getting to know one another while also doing something you are personally interested in can reap brilliant results.
Choose your first date thoughtfully. If you've talked to your date beforehand, taken the time to understand what interests them, and somehow also found a way to relax and ease yourself into the conversation, the location won't need to be perfect. To put it bluntly, the chemistry will be there, or it won't. But if the love match is a "no," at least you can have fun ax-throwing along the way.
