WTF Florida: Man in "I Have Drugs" Shirt Totally Had Drugs
Illustration by Alvaro Diaz-Rubio
A lot of weird things happen in Florida. We're here every Friday morning to give you the week's weirdest.
The scene of the crime
via Google Street View
Couple Jailed for Porking on a Hood at a Car Dealership
There's always something fun about a Florida arrest report that could be a porno script.
At 3 a.m. Monday, a man near Mike Auto Sales in West Palm Beach called police to report he saw two naked people on top of a car in the dealership lot and heard moaning. Police arrived to find Erin Byrd, 18, and Ramon Mitchell, 29, sitting in a van belonging to the dealership. Both were charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, trespassing, and auto burglary. Mitchell caught an extra charge after spitting at one of the arresting officers.
via Pasco County Sheriff's Office
Man Wearing "I Have Drugs" T-Shirt Arrested for Having Drugs
Hudson resident John Balmer is 50 years old but still has the fashion sense of a Spencer's-shopping 18-year-old. Balmer walked into a local Kmart wearing a shirt that read, "Who needs drugs. No, seriously, I have drugs."
Balmer, of course, did not cause suspicion simply because he was wearing the shirt, but because he actually had drugs and was not being inconspicuous about it. An officer inside the Kmart saw Balmer trying to pass off a baggie to another man at the checkout. The other man refused to take the baggie, so Balmer walked to another register and placed it on the ground. An employee told the officer about the bag, and guess what? It was totally full of drugs. Namely, weed and meth. Naturally, Balmer was arrested for possession.
Man Spots Bigfoot Near Florida
Which is obviously a total lie because Florida is not Bigfoot country. It is Skunk Ape land. But here is the "proof" if you need it.
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