Google Recipes: We Typed in "Penis" So You Don't Have To

I love Google Recipes, the new search engine for cooks. Instead of Googling "pizza" and getting 300,000 places that deliver, the results will only include ways to actually make a pizza. Great idea!

Hmmmm, I thought, If it works for "pizza," would it work for "penis"? Sure enough, Google came back with nine penis recipes. A search for "vagina" got back really only one recipe (for a tropical cock....tail).

Here are some of the best recipes I found:

Moose Testicles

If Googling testicles is funny, Googling moose testicles is hill-arr-e-ous -- especially when you come up with a recipe from Food Network, no less. Too bad there were no moose testicle demos at the South Beach Wine & Food Festival.

Penis Stew

I could make all kinds of jokes about this Jewish recipe, but why not let the recipe speak for itself? The directions state you should "scald the penis" and "remove the scum." That's why Jewish men make great husbands -- they're scared witless! Now I'll always wonder what my grandmother was serving me when she said "just eat, just eat."

Cock a Leekie Soup

Look, it doesn't really matter if Cock a Leekie Soup is really only a traditional Scots soup made with chicken and leeks. It sounds really dirty and that's all that matters.

Sandy Vagina

One part Tuaca, one part Malibu, one part pineapple juice, this is a recipe that sounds worse than it is. Here's a hint ladies - serve this drink to your date. If he doesn't like it, dump him immediately. You'll thank me later.

Brains in Preserved Lemon Sauce

This recipe throws Mad Cow Disease caution to the wind and asked the age-old question: If zombies love brains, why can't I?

Follow Short Order on Facebook and Twitter @Short_Order.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Laine Doss is the food and spirits editor for Miami New Times. She has been featured on Cooking Channel's Eat Street and Food Network's Great Food Truck Race. She won an Alternative Weekly award for her feature about what it's like to wait tables.
Contact: Laine Doss