Yeah, yeah...we know the drill. Since vodka is a clear grain, it can be infused with almost any flavor. Now that can be a good thing and we admit to being thrilled when we tried pepper and pear vodka for the first time.
Just because you can infuse a vodka with a fruit or candy or meat product, doesn't make it right...or does it?
Here's our list of the ten weirdest vodka flavors. We're still waiting for the shrimp and foie gras ones.
10. Cotton Candy: Wildly inappropriate, this sugary vodka actually tastes like cotton candy. We're not sure what adults (or kids) actually like cotton candy outside of a circus. If this is the first in a line of theme-park flavored alcoholic beverages, we can't wait until the giant turkey leg-flavored gin is released.
9. Cucumber: Cucumber-flavored vodka seems like a slippery slope. Just like those cookbooks where parents are shown how to hide vegetables in cakes, we have a feeling that the healthy-food police are trying to find a way to hide vegetables in our cocktails. Cucumbers today...Brussels sprouts tomorrow. Blech.
8. Bloody Mary: Unless you're a really good bartender, the average person uses two ingredients in a Bloody Mary - Bloody Mary mix and vodka. That being the case, using Bloody Mary flavored vodka is either completely redundant or makes you the laziest f**k in the world.
7. Peanut Butter: To us, it's just another freaking lousy product that everyone with peanut allergies has to avoid. Can you imagine someone going into anaphylactic shock after sipping a martini at the office cocktail party? Besides, after mixing it with grape soda (hey! it tastes just like a PB&J), what the hell else do you do with it?
Update: we received an email from Rich Hellner, owner of Pandora Spirits and makers of NutLiquor Peanut Butter Vodka stating "NutLiquor contains NO peanut allergens. We're very conscious of allergy issues and took a lot of time and money to develop an allergen-free product. Federal law prohibits us from labeling the bottle "No Peanut Allergens", but we publicize it quite openly." That's good news for the peanut-allergy stricken who miss the taste of nutty goodness.
6. Bubblegum: Quick! What comes to mind when you think of bubblegum? Little girls with pigtails? Yup, us too. Which is why bubblegum-flavored vodka is so wrong. The liquor companies constantly tell us that they're not trying to market to kids and hen they make bubblegum vodka. Next think you know, they'll make Hello Kitty vodka.
6(a). Hello Kitty: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
5. Brooklyn: We've been to Brooklyn. It's a great city, full of restaurants, parks and hipster bars. While we love the electricity and the vibe, there's no way in hell we want to lick it, taste it or ingest it. What does a major city taste like anyway -- cigarette butts, old tires and dog pee? No thanks.
4. Buddha's Hand: Dear Buddha: We know that you're a diety loved and worshipped by millions of people and we mean you no disrespect when we tell you to get your holy paws out of our vodka! Namaste.
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3. Bacon: Normally we would agree that bacon only makes things better. Scallops? Wrap them in bacon. Burger? Add a slice of bacon. Cupcakes? Bacon crumbles work there too. But drinking bacon may be going a teensy bit too far, even for us. The company's tag line is "Pure. Refreshing. Bacon....." Really?
2. Salmon: This one actually makes sense what with the whole vodka-comes-from-Russia thing. But what do you do when you meet a hot chick at the bar after doing salmon shots with the guys all night? Epic fail in the making.
1. Scorpion: How drunk do you have to be to drink scorpion vodka? And don't bring up Mezcal, because that worm is tiny, has neither claws nor stinger and isn't poisonous.