4
| Columns |

How I Met Your Mother, Who Also Had a Slit-Throat Tattoo

^
Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

Arrested: 12/31
Charged with: Petty theft, resisting officer without violence, trespassing after warning
Unless you're a Bone Thug or one of the Seven Dwarfs, there's no reason why you should get "Lazy" inked on your face. Also, who would get a tattoo of their neck being slit?

Arrested: 12/30
Charged with: Cocaine possession with intent to deliver
Look at her neck. That's just magical.

Arrested: 12/27
Charged with: Grand theft auto, cocaine possession, possession of drug paraphernalia, no valid driver's license
WHAT isn't yours, fucker? WHAT? For the love of God, move your bangs!

Arrested: 12/27
Charged with: Retail theft, attempt to use antishoplifiting device
This city is pathetic-looking one week of each year. Miamians do not know how to wear winter jackets.

Arrested: 12/28
Charged with: Grand theft auto
This is how My Little Pony tails are farmed.

Arrested: 12/25
Charged with: Shooting or throwing a deadly missile, cocaine possession
[Waaahhhh!] Congratulations, it's a baby gangsta!

Arrested: 12/19
Charged with: Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon
He's not missing an eye. He wears that patch just to give the rest of humanity a shot at keeping up.

Arrested:12/20
Charged with: Aggravated battery with a deadly weapon
Is that thing ironic? It's hard to tell without any context.

Arrested: 12/19
Hey, it's James Brown's second cousin, who's even funkier but never sold out!

Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.