But none of that could prepare Florida International University (FIU) for its latest threat: the "FIU Pisser."
The anonymous TikTok account @thefiupisser — whose bio stresses they're "NOT AFFILIATED WITH FIU" and "JUST LIKE PISSING" — has recently uploaded a handful of videos showing a mystery figure prowling FIU's Modesto A. Maidique Campus in Westchester and marking their territory under the cover of darkness on campus fixtures like the bronze panther statue and Pitbull Stadium (yes, the one named after Mr. 305 himself).
"Thought a walk would be nice, had to piss," @thefiupisser captioned a recent video, which shows them dousing an outdoor walkway with their trademark stream.
With nearly 2,000 followers and more than 40,000 likes across just five posts, the TikTok account has quickly built a following. Most of their clips appear to feature the phantom pisser relieving themselves (or at least pretending to) across different corners of campus.@thefiupisser does anyone know why my stream is in two??#fiu ♬ original sound - glimby.cc
The FIU Pisser is part of a broader TikTok trend that has spawned imitators nationwide (see: the Penn State Pisser and the Syracuse Pisser). One student at Nicholls State University in Louisiana was reportedly arrested after joining the fad.
Closer to home, Florida Atlantic University, the University of Miami, and Miami Dade College have all had their own so-called pissers.
As with any good villain story, there's a hero here, too.
Enter @fiupisserhunter: another anonymous account that has emerged to play Batman to the pisser's Joker.
In a video recently posted by user @dannyfanumm, a man clad head-to-toe in a hot pink superhero suit and matching cape is shown perched atop a campus roof like a vigilante. Other clips posted by the @fiupisserhunter account show the university's knight in neon armor scanning the campus for the pisser.
"He was just here..." @fiupisserhunter captioned a recent clip showing a random bench on campus.
As with the other campus pissers nationwide, it's unclear whether the FIU Pisser is actually emptying their bladder around campus or, as many have theorized, simply spraying water from a water bottle.
It remains to be seen whether FIU's police department is investigating the liquid menace.
Neither the pisser themselves nor a university spokesperson responded to New Times' requests for comment.
