Humor

Florida Man Wears No Pants, Masturbates at McDonald's Drive-Thru

A 65-year-old Florida man went to a McDonald's drive-thru looking for a happy ending to go with his Happy Meal, police say.

Clemons was arrested after rolling up to the window at his local Micky D's without pants, grabbing a cashier's hand, and trying to force her to touch his junk.

The drive-thru sex crime went down in Wildwood, Florida, a town in Sumter County, northeast of Tampa.

Around 5:40 p.m. September 21, Clemons drove up to the first window at the McDonald's, and the cashier quickly realized something was amiss.

"The cashier turned to give him his change and realized he did not have any pants on," a police affidavit obtained by the Smoking Gun reads. "[He] was masturbating at that time as well."

Before she could react, police say, Clemons grabbed her hand and tried to force her to touch him. She was able to yank her hand back and call the cops as Clemons sped away.

When police caught up to him at a nearby gas station, he was still sans pants, though he'd covered himself with a T-shirt.

Clemons has been charged with misdemeanor battery.

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Tim Elfrink is a former investigative reporter and managing editor for Miami New Times. He has won the George Polk Award and was a finalist for the Goldsmith Prize for Investigative Reporting.
Contact: Tim Elfrink