After a seven-year hiatus, cult sitcom Arrested Development returns on Netflix this weekend. Of course, in Miami, a city of sociopathic, vain crooks you might not be aware that a show about a family of sociopathic, vain crooks has been off the air for so long. In fact, since the show's initial cancellation in 2006 we've been living in a sea of pseudo-Bluths. In fact, there're some matches that are so uncanny we didn't have any problems finding real life Miami counterparts for the Bluth family.
George Bluth Sr.
Miami Counterpart: Jeffrey Loria, owner of the Miami Marlins
A bumbling business who lacks basic humanity and is responsible for a development deal that some would consider "light treason." Yeah, sounds like Jeffrey Loria to us.
Lucille Bluth
Miami Counterpart: Natacha Seijas, recalled former Miami-Dade Commissioner
Backstabbing schemer? Check. An inability to be nice to anyone? Check. An inability to accept that her power and status were crumbling? Check.
But ex-Comish Seijas really gets the Lucille prize for her infamous dis of proposed new Britto-designed uniforms for Airport workers during a commission meeting by quipping that they were so ugly even her maid wouldn't wear them. Which is actually something we could imagine Lucille saying about the show. Plus she did play a part in that "light treason" by voting for the Marlins Park deal.
Gob Bluth
Miami Counterpart: David Samson, Marlins president and Loria's stepson
Both are smug jerks who only got anywhere in life because of their rich father figures. Both like to leave a few buttons undone. Both are failed illusionists. In his greatest trick ever attempted Samson to use the smoke and mirrors of a new logo, stadium, star players and World Series-winning coach to magically make fans appears in the seats. Like all of Gob's tricks illusions, it failed miserably.
Lindsay Bluth Fünke
Miami Counterpart: Joanna Krupa, Real Housewives of Miami
We're not all saying that all shallow blondes have odd ways of going about activism, but check out Joanna's PETA ad and try and tell us that isn't something Lindsay wouldn't do.
Dr. Tobias Funke
Miami Counterpart: Dr. George Alan Rekers
Mustachioed crackpot psych doctors with repressed homosexual tendencies? Sounds like a match, In case you forget, Rekers was the anti-gay activist and psychologist who New Times caught with a male escort. Well, at least he didn't have to "blue himself."
Buster Bluth
Miami Counterpart: Miami Voter
Who's the one pushed around, belittled, and forgotten by the rest of this "family?" The average Miami voter, of course. Oh sure, if we're pushed too far we might act out in dramatic ways, but eventually we'll just return to enabling all these insane sociopaths around us. Plus, Buster might have lost a hand, but sometimes we feel like we've lost an arm and a leg.
Michael Bluth
Miami Counterpart: LeBron James
The one guy who keeps this entire crazy family of a city together through his sure will and determination? Yeah, that would be LeBron.
Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.
