Film & TV

Fist Things First

Caligula: Imperial Edition


(Spoiler alert: Fisting!) One day back in the swingin' Seventies, somebody mentioned how "absolute power corrupts absolutely," and then Bob Guccione, Gore Vidal, Malcolm McDowell, Helen Mirren, and Peter O'Toole said, "Let's make a big-budget movie about that, with come shots." And Caligula was born. Actually Penthouse publisher Guccione added the hard-core shots to the unrated edition that makes up the centerpiece of this three-disc set, but the more demure cut (also included) still features fisting and dozens of dry-humping extras. The movie is not as horrifically bad as its reputation suggests — or secretly brilliant, for that matter. But you must see it at least once (okay, only once). And who needs three discs of this stuff? This set was originally listed as four discs; excised is the one dedicated to the music of the film. Guess you'll have to find your party music elsewhere. — Jordan Harper

The Paul Lynde Halloween Special

(S'More Entertainment)

Aired once in 1976 and then promptly buried, this schlockfest has returned from the dead as if to prove that the Seventies were even weirder than we remember. Watch and see: Lynde performing a musical number about his love/hate relationship with children. Lynde trading quips with Margaret Hamilton, decked out in her complete Wicked Witch costume. Kiss crooning "Beth." Florence Henderson singing "That Old Black Magic." Then, in what is perhaps best described as a kitsch orgasm: Lynde and Hamilton bantering with Kiss between songs while the guys in the band struggle to look cool. It doesn't get any better/worse than this. If you still aren't sated, the extra slide show of Lynde quotes ought to finish you off. — Jordan Harper

1408: Collector's Edition


Director Mikael Håfström's big-screen version of Stephen King's short story came and went like a phantom — so much for subtlety playing at theaters, where kiddies like their scares cheap and easy. It's more or less a one-man show, with John Cusack as a cynical ghost buster trolling tourist traps for guidebook blurbs. Only he checks into one room from which he can't check out. The collection has two versions: theatrical and extended dance mix, the latter accompanied by a director-and-screenwriters commentary track in which they suggest they shot too much and cut out just enough. 1408 could've been four or five different films with 20 or 30 different interpretations. As this edition makes clear, their best effort was the theatrical version. — Robert Wilonsky

Mystics in Bali

(Mondo Macabro)

This legendary 1981 Indonesian shocker, a mix of ancient folklore, ventriloquist-dummy dubbing, and the worst of Eighties big-hair cinema, was even more absurd and alarming on grimy bootlegs, but it'll still put hair on your eyeballs. A visiting American decides unwisely to learn the dark arts from a leyak, a cackling witch with the world's most unruly Lee Press-On Nails. Then comes the money shot that floored seen-it-all gorehounds: The American's head detaches from her body to suck a fetus from a woman's womb. Extras include a tutorial on Indonesian exploitation, the filmography of schlockmeister director H. Tjut Djalil, and instructions on how to become a leyak, which only an idiot would read aloud. — Jim Ridley

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Jordan Harper
Jim Ridley
Contact: Jim Ridley
Robert Wilonsky
Contact: Robert Wilonsky