Break out the shamrocks and the Alka Seltzer, St. Patrick's Day is almost here. Whether you're Irish by birth or just looking to get a little Irish in ya this year, it's sacrilegious not to celebrate the patron saint of Ireland's special day.
Given Miamians' affinity for booze, we're basically honorary Irishmen (and women), so naturally, there are lots of celebratory options happening around town. Check out the top ten things to do in the 305 starting these weekend and extending through Monday (so unfortunate that it falls on a dreaded weekday). Better start fake coughing around the office now.
10. Get drunk at World of Beer.
It's a world of beer. Naturally, they'll have lots of Irish beers on tap, from Wexford Irish Cream to Harp to Guinness and more. Plus, Irish Car Bombs and Irish Cream Bombs (whatever those are). All three locales (Dadeland, Kendall and Midtown) are celebrating, so pick one within walking distance. Admission is free, and they're open from 3 p.m. to 1 a.m.
9. Kickoff with "St. Practice Day" at Fado.
It's hard to beat the debauchery that goes down at Fado -- and St. Patrick's Day is the culmination of all the insanity. Beer gardens, DJs, Irish eats, and a whole lot of Brickellites. Starting Sunday, the celebrations kick off at 2 p.m. and run till 11, then pick up again with Kegs & Eggs starting at 7 a.m. on St. Paddy's. Sleep is optional. You can score a $15 ticket for Sunday's afternoon fun, then join the epic Brickell-wide bash on Monday for $30 (see below).
8. Get blasted at Brickell Fest.
Once a year, Brickell becomes an ode to all things green and Gaelic with this jam-packed street party. Headquartered at Finnegan's River, the party starts at midnight on St. Pat's and stays strong for 24 hours straight. For $30 you can score a wristband and be front and center for some drunken make-outs.
7. Paint some shamrocks.
If you're so over getting blackout drunk and puking up gallons of green beer, you can opt instead for an artistic endeavor. The Artful Experience is offering a St. Pat's themed class on Saturday at Coconut Grove's Art Therapy Consulting Services (3339 Virginia St. #127) from 3 to 4:30 p.m. For $55 you can drink wine, eat chocolate and paint lucky charms to hang by your bedside. 'Cuz everyone wants to get lucky.
6. Join the "official" Brickell bar crawl.
Featuring spots like Red Bar, Havana 1957, Blue Martini and the always-epic Tobacco Road, this six-stop crawl will keep you boozed up and on-the-move. Tickets are $10 and you'll score drink specials at each spot. The crawl runs from 5 p.m. to 4 a.m. and registration kicks off at Tobacco Road. How much you imbibe is up to you, but you might wanna think about taking a vaca day on Tuesday, mmmmkay?
5. Dress up your dog.
Wouldn't lil Fido look totally adorbs dressed as Lucky the Leprechaun? That's Instagram gold. On Sunday, Miami Lighthouse for the Blind is hosting a Walk, Waggle and Stroll dog walk to benefit their good works for sight-impaired folks. You can score a ticket for $30 (including t-shirt and doggie bandana). The walk runs from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. at the Shops at Midtown Miami. Oh, and there will be contests (Best St. Patrick's Day Dog Costume anyone?)
4. Eat green popcorn at Radio Bar.
You may be shit out of luck as far as the pot-at-the-end-of-the-rainbow deal is concerned, but SoFi's cozy little cocktail bar will be giving out some gold coins. If you win one, you'll score a free drink on St. Pat's. Plus, there'll be green popcorn and drink specials including $5 Irish Car Bombs and $5 Jamo shots. The party rages Sunday and Monday.
3. Hang with hotties in green getups at Ted's Hideaway.
Everyone's favorite hidden gem will be home to an epic Irish-inspired bash. Expect their famously scantily-clad drink slingers to be all decked out in shamrock-studded gear, from fishnets to bustiers to beads. Plus drink specials galore and a complimentary buffet (for customers, folks) around 7 p.m. No cover and they're open from 12 p.m. to 5 a.m.
2. Drink green beer at John Martin's Irish Pub.
John Martin's annual street party and Irish extravaganza lasts a full two days, and it's the wildest Coral Gables gets all year. The festivities kick off with Irish brunch on Sunday from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. and run through Monday night. There'll be a Luck of the Irish brunch, an open mic contest, a Taste of Ireland menu, a bagpiper, and a sea of Irish-for-the-day folks in green gear. Showing up is free, but you've gotta shell out bucks for brunch, booze, and other eats.
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1. Join a block party at the Irish Times.
Since the real deal is a 4,000-mile plane ride away, this South Miami spot is as close to Ireland as you're gonna get. A bastion of Irish-inspired good times, this cozy pub's seventh annual block bash will feature live bands (Retro Sky and ESCO), authentic eats plus Irish ales, ciders and good cheer. The party runs from 11 a.m. till 5 a.m. on Sunday and Monday and there's no cover. Erin go bragh and all that.
Follow Hannah on Twitter @hannahalexs.